I think some "things" are starting to hit me at once now and it is my wife that is contributing to some of the depression advancements that I have been going through.
Of Course my wife does not want me to mope, on the contrary she is the one that should be going through the depression. I cheated. I am scum and I do realize or I think I do that the woman I had the affair with was a real pro. She knew what she was doing.
She had been divorced already and was going through a second divorce. She stated while the affair was happening that her husband treated her badly. But the way our affair ended, especially when she threatened to call my wife and when she threatened to tell work about my work history past, (She worked in HR)I was shocked at how evil she could become.
Her second husband had a friend that lived on my floor in the apartment complex next door. I remember him talking about her (the woman) and how awful of a person she was.
I remember her children (ages 3 and 5) waking up in the middle of the morning and asking to come into the bedroom. I WAS KICKED OUT!! I remember she was never with her children with the exception of 2-3 hours a day because she worked out out every night after work.
And I remember her voice which sounded so evil the afternoon she left a message on my phone saying "Don't talk to me, don't look at me...etc".
MY GOD.....SHE WORKED IN HUMAN RESOURCES!!! HOW THE HELL WAS I TO GET ANY INFORMATION FROM HER???
What pains me is that she was not like this at all during the "affair". She knew what to get, how to get it and how to put up a great act.
And when she got what she wanted and someone else started paying attention to her, she left me and went straight for him.
I was used, abused and now, I am left trying to put the pieces together of our marriage/broken dreams.
WHY WAS I TAKEN FOR A RIDE?????????
WHY CAN'T I EVER "EVEN UP THE SCORE??""
She was a pro. Divorced twice, 2 affairs with two married men.........she knew what she was doing.
You know what???? The grieving has turned into hatred.
