Once again, I have been duped by my WS that he is sincere. Maybe I am too trusting, or maybe I am just naive, but if this continues to happen, I will be a basket case.

My last posting indicated that my WS has expressed an interest in coming back home. He agreed to pretty much everything that I had asked him, in order that we may work on our marriage and re-build our family. I don't know if it is God watching over me, or I have some very watchful guardian angels, but my husband's cell phone bill came today. I wanted to toss all of the contents of my stomach.

He recently paid $350 off his monthly bill, with a remaining balance of $250. 717 calls were made to the OW. 717 calls....where does he find the time. When he calls me or the children, it is a 5 minute (if that) conversation. He is always worrying about his cell bill, etc., etc. I wanted to weep. I got stuck with paying the $600 premium for the car insurance and he didn't have enough money to give me at least $20 for it.

I was furious, as I was willing to move forward without looking back. However, he told me that it took him a good month of no contact with her to realize how much he wants to be with us (his family). In reality, the cell bill cuts off at the 2nd of May, and there were 15 calls to her that day (from morning to night). I was crushed. Here I am, working up all of my nerves, trying not to be scared, to work it out, and he is lying to me. Once again, it was the rollercoaster thingie and in all reality, I no longer have the strength to fight this. I once was very strong and felt confident, but as he worked on me to get me to "work" on our marriage, well, I began to succumb. I'm so weary and feel so rejected at the moment. My heart, which was repairing, albeit just a bit, is once again, broken.

I called my attorney and had her plan on serving my husband the divorce papers. Seven months of this rollercoaster ride is enough. He now will learn that his relationship with the OW has cost him his self-respect, his family, his friends, etc. I hope their love can sustain them through this. I hope their love can sustain him when he misses his son's K graduation. I hope this sustains him when he misses his very talented daughter's solo flute concert. I hope this sustains him during the summer months when we are enjoying ourselves on the beach as a family. I hope this sustains him when he is no longer appealing to her, and he becomes her 4th victim.

Good Luck to us...my children and myself....

I'm so sorry! I know it hurts! Keep your distance thats all i can say. Make it so he can't hurt you anymore.

But as for the kids, beware! I don't remember from you previous posts whether he's tried to keep up his relationship with them, but becareful. It is a very delicate sitch, remember he is still their father and unless he's hurt them, they need him there too. So invite him to all those things you mentioned and if he doesn't show, cover for him. Yeah i know it sounds weird but i know from experience from my first marriage that as they get older they will realize that dad was the one that missed out. But if you don't invite dad he will turn the tables on you and the kids will blame you because you didn't invite him, sucks huh. See how it works, give them enough room they will mess it up for themselves or if your kids are lucky he will be there for them!

But as for you, if you feel you've had enough, take control you will feel better! Keep your distance! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Crunchie....I did not hear from my H last night. He is working in North Carolina for the week and doesn't expect to return until Friday. He is not living with me, so I suspect he shares his time between the car and the OW house. The phone calls were numerous and quite lengthy. Therefore, there relationship was not coming to a close, but rather, it gained full steam when they both realized they had me under their control again. I cried all night; how could he choose her over the family, was I not that important (after 15 years) that he could have at least tried (sincerely) to save our marriage. I felt heartbroken. My children looked at me last night and told me, "Mommy, it will get better. Remember, of everything that Dad lost, the most important things were us!" I could not believe their strength and their spirir. I cannot believe my H, who was once the most honest person I know. He now lies at every turn and is hurtful when doing so. I don't understand how he could be this way to us.

I have put him through school, I have worked full-time, I have attended school 3/4 time at night, took care of the kids and kept the house. I paid all of the bills, and the reason why he left...I gained weight. Talk about loving someone unconditionally, huh?

I know it will get better, but when. I'm angry over the cell phone bills, but I'm most sad over the rejection. Shouldn't he have recognized my worth, as a spouse and partner? Is sex and being "thin" so important to men? What happens when the sex becomes boring and the OW starts to pack on the comfortable pounds? I need help in understanding all of the issues. He has tried to keep me from filing for the divorce because it forces him to pay for an attorney. My attorney has been retained and I have her fees pretty much in her bank. I am entitled to alimony and half of everything. He plans on cashing in his 401(k), the second one he would be cashing in on. Little does he know, that is marital assets, and in doing so, well, he owes it all to me. I hate to sound *****y and vengeful, but while I sat pining away raising the children, he was taking her to exclusive restaurants, buying her things, etc., etc.

Oh, and the clincher....he said, "I never allowed her to talk bad of you...I told her you are the mother of my two children." Imagine that, not his wife and good person, but just the mother of his children. Talk about setdowns.

Karena....Im very sorry to hear about your situation. I know it may NOT be right, but to most men....physical attraction to their spouse is up there at the top of the most important things in a relationship. I bet ya a months paycheck that if you were to start losing weight(not sure how heavy you are)....the WH would run his azz straight back home. I know that may sound shallow, but most men are. Take care and I truly hope things work out for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

karena

Forget the physical thing. The bottom line when they are going to stray they do it even when you look like a cover girl model.

If he's telling you its your weight its just his way of trying to rationalize what he's doing. Remember a lot of times these WS are trying to fullfill something that is missing in themselves, not us. Don't let him attack you self esteem, you are a good person, mother and wife. And NOTHING gives him the right to hurt you.

If the extra pounds are bothering YOU, then do something about it it will make you feel better but don't let him make you believe that your marriage failed because of you being overweight.

In my case i'm thin, take care of the kids, pay the bills and i take care of all the problems and he still wasn't happy.

chin up! everday gets easier, i promise!