I just dont know, my neighbor called me over to his house on Tuesday because I stayed home from work, he asked how I was doing and knows my DH and I have problems, I told him I was doing ok and he knew I was starting to work 2 jobs to make ends meet. Then after a few awakward moments, you know he gave me hugs and said everything was ok and that I was a beautiful women and smart and blah blah blah, then he told me to sit down and proceded to tell me that all those times he told me that I need to think about myself and move on and I said yeah and he said do you know where I am getting at and I said no. Then he told me my husband was cheating on me! He said there was a girl over before I got home from work and then I said was it the first time and he said no that my DH had told him and his room mate about a girl about a month back I remember that same very night! Of course my DH is denying everything and I asked who the girl was and he said she was coming over to look at our bird about getting rid of it, I said who was she and what is her number he wouldnt give it to me and still wont. Now I think about it he said he was going to take a nap that day and pick up my son later, when I came home about 5:30pm he had taken a shower and he said because he wanted to wake up after the nap. Ok so now how did he have girl over to look at the bird, take a nap and a shower and get my son all within a 2 hour period!!!

By the looks of things, yes - but I assume that is not really your question, right?

Please provide more details about your story. How long have you been M? Do you have children together? How was your relationship with H prior to this talk with neighbor? How reliable is neighbor? Did you have any other signs?

Your neighbor may be right about your H, but be careful. From what little you've mentioned, it sounds like your neighbor may be trying to make some moves on YOU! If that's true, ask yourself what his motives could be for revealing an A that your H is engaged in.

I don't really know anything about you and your relationship to your neighbor, but in my neighborhood, a man outside your marriage telling you you're beautiful and "being there" for you in a time of emotional distress is looking for an opportunity for himself. Maybe not in your case, but with your emotions so raw at this point, it's a possibility worth considering.

my DH and I have been married about a 1 1/2 years and this June we have been together 4 years. He was just diagnosed with manic depression also. We each have children from our first marriages, 9, 7, and 6 years old. My neighbor did make me feel very uncomfortable but his live in girlfriend knew about it too so he did mention it to her about the "supposed" affair. I dont know what to believe or think at all anymore.

I agree with 3xL...beware this messenger! But don't ignore the message. There may be something there...I tend to see a large red flag in that your H wouldn't give you the name and phone number of this woman. Time to do a little snooping and discover what is what. Start with computer usage, cell phone bill, caller ID on home phone, last number dialed, if necessary come home from work when you should be at work. Get a GOOD friend (this neighbors GF perhapes) to keep an eye on the house and take photos of anything suspicious and to call you immediately if they see anything so that you can then confront it if and when something happens. jmho

Waterspirit,
My H was diagnosed last year as being manic depressive too. The A began a couple of months afterwards.
He has been very hard to figure out since then. It's almost like he never shows any emotions now.
He is very good at lying too.
Has your H been put on meds? My H is on THREE! He just quit taking one of them on his own -- GREAT! Now what do I have to look forward to? He says he quit taking it because he felt as if it was the one making him sleep too much (12 hours at least every day -- so I get NO HELP at all) and he figured it was either listen to me regarding his sleeping all the time or quit taking it. GREAT, put the guilt onto me. I told him to tell the doctor about it. He didn't. And hasn't.
I would start snooping. Usually manic depressive have a little bit of compulsive behavior too. Cell phones are usually the best bet. Look at the calls. My H called the OW 117 times in one month so it was REAL EASY to figure out that one!

Because we dont actually get a bill with the calls on them (we use a local cricket service) I cant see those calls unless I might be able to call and ask them for them. He is on medication for about 2 months now and he too sleeps alot and said he feels numb alot but he wont talk to the doctor about that side effect. What I need to decide now is if I can leave with the fact that he is denying everything and no trust there. oh also this weekend he said he had thrown away the seperatin papers he has had since Feb. and last night when I couldnt sleep and had to know if he was telling me the truth I found them in his car still so of course I busted him on that and I told him he was busted and how am I suppose to believe anything anymore.

Hi there--

Sorry for your troubles...

I agree with 3xL, too. However, I was married to a bi-polar man for years and he had real problems with lies and perhaps cheating, too. The worst part was that he would lie about things that were so stupid and trivial. It is so senseless and it hurts, doesn't it?

If I had it to do over again (he self-destructed long ago) I would insist that he get his meds stabalized and enter seperate counseling - plus joint counseling for you two as a couple.

I'd also steer clear of the neighbor but keep good tabs on the H. You can get a phone recorder for your home phone at Radio shack for less than $40 - your H will never know it's plugged in - and you can get a keystroke recorder online for about $20 - again it is hard to detect once installed. I think you can even get a micro-mini video recorder from some of these pop-up ads online for about $20 to record your front door if you want. It would be hard for him to deny his behavior if his video, voice, or typing is recorded, as solid proof. And--if nothing's going on--this is really a small price to pay for your piece of mind. If he is up to no-good--you will be in a much better position to deal with the problems if you know what they all are.

Good luck to you.

Okay, now everybody is scaring me about the H being bi-polar. I went to a bi-polar web site to see if this was a trait of bi-polar individuals, i.e., lieing and cheating. My H also lies about trivial stuff and I will call him on it. I don't think he can stop. I asked him to do individual counseling and all he says is, "I know YOU think I have issues." He can't see it!! I don't want my kids (3 and 1) to grow up w/a parent like that.

I have been trying for months now to get my H to tell his psychiatrist about the side effects and he doesn't. Hope you have better luck w/your H.

ok I found out from my neighbor and his girlfriend at the same time that she has been over many many time before, I confronted him and he admitted there has been a girl he has been "talking" with. Ok so that is it. He tried to blame it on our problems in the relationship and swears he hasnt slept with her, yeah right!!!