HI, I'm still fairly new to this site. My husband just told me another truth about an attempt with another girl. All this happened way way way back. He has told so many lies when trying to tell of his sexual encounters that it is hard to believe him. I have stressed over and over and over again I need radical honesty to heal and our marraiage to work. He says he knows this and has said this for the last 3 months, yet I keep finding our more. I guess I need all the advice besides stressing to him over and over I need truth. I think I need something that would hit him in the eye and say to himself I have no way out but to tell the truth. Iam so lost and don't know what to do. Again he says he knows the importance of honesty but keeps ho9lding back. I have tried being extremely calm when he has told me things hoping to finally get it all out of him, but that doesn't work. I've tried screaming and crying but that doesn't work. Are there any Harley principles that would work with this??? I'm desperate.

I think something desperate needs to be done to shake him up. I feel he has been faithful for the last 20 or so yearts, but I need to have all the truth. Please any suggestions????

Hi maxlo3,
sorry you are going thru such a rough time. I know how awful it is when you desperatly ask for the truth, but are not given it. My WH lied, denied everything until i had firm evidence. No matter how much i tried to convince him that it didn't matter the detail, just his honesty, he didn't buy it and lied.He says now he was terrified i'd throw him out or "it would hurt me even more."

The only time i freely got more details was a few weeks into recovery, when we were getting on better, i was calmer and WH thought i could handle it more. It seems he had to feel safe with me before he could talk.

Watch your reaction when/if he tells you something. My WH would tell me something i had asked for and it would make me visibly upset, even though i remained calm. This i think made him feel the truth would hurt me more. Also they know once the truth is out, theres no going back. They will have to face the consequences of their actions, must be scary.

I think in the early days, much of my constant badgering of H to answer Qs was pushing him further away.

Hang in there, hopefully someone will do a better job of explaining MB principles, ad x