Hello.....i have been with the same man for almost 11 yrs now and we have 3 wonderful children together, 9b, 5g,3g.....we have split up a numerous amount of times before. We recently split up in Jan and last month he ran into an old friend.....well last week we got back together, but before he came home he told me that he had been sleeping with her while he was sleeping with me.....he doesn't see her anymore and tells me that if he didn't want things to work out between us he wouldn't have come home.....but i just can't seem to let go that he actually slept with this person, who in my opinion looks like PORKY PIG....he knows that i don't trust him and he wants things to work out, how can i let go of this......he said that she didn't mean anything to him.....

Dana

dana, welcome to MB,

sorry for your pain. It is a big shock when you find out something like this and takes a long while to sink in. I am 5 months into recovery, and it is still very hard and painful.

You will need time to grieve for loosing the marriage you thought you had, and go through the painful emotions.

The good news is your H told you himself, many do not. He wants to be there with you. It takes alot of hard work on both sides to make it through the painful early days, but if you are both willing, you can find a new closeness.

I've read alot of people who say the OP was nothing to look at, less attractive etc, and the truth is, nearly all affairs are not about looks or even sex, but the way OP makes the wayward spouse feel.

Wishing you all the best, ad

Dana,
I have to agree with Angeldust. I had been going through major depression and so was very focused on myself. My H told me the attraction to the other was because she was interested in him. (She is only 18, and still in high school, so she's not even a woman in my eyes, and about as homely as you can get.) And he has told me the same thing yours has--he wouldn't be here if he didn't want me instead. You HAVE to let it go--for YOU. Write it down and put it in a box in a closet, or write in on a paper and then rip up the paper or burn it: whatever it takes. Don't focus on comparisons.
You need to give it some time, too. It's been less than 2 months for me, but it's easier than it was. Things were VERY uncomfortable for a while (especially sex) but get better as time goes on. There may be setbacks, but try to focus on the positive.
I'll be thinking of you.