My H had an A that ended 8 mos. ago. One of the main reasons that lead my H to having an affair was that for years my H asked and told me that I needed to loose weight or he would eventually leave. Before he had the A he told me that he wasn't attracted to me, that I didn't put him first and he didn't think that he was in love with me. Well to keep a long story short he had A, that last 2-3 mos. I caught him, she wasn't an attractive lady but she had a nice figure so to say, she filled his head with everything he needed to hear - she didn't have a car, job or place to stay - she lived in weekly hotel that my H helped pay for. I confronted him about the A, he didn't admit at first, but I asked him to move out, he did and 10 days later he admitted to everything and said that realized how much he loved me and missed me. In the mean time I lost weight and he recogonized the changed both inward and outward. I have not lost anymore weight but I have maintained what I did loose. We have only had sex twice since Oct 02, never in 03. He says that I need to loose more weight. I am attractive, but I feel so unattactive around him. What do you think I should do, I don't think our marriage will work out. Thanks for any input

Let's put it this way. I'm overweight. So is my wife. We know it and when we met we were both overweight. I have always adored 'overweight' ladies since I was in high school because the 'skinny hollywood types' totally turn me off.
In your case, your husband was being UGLY and unreasonable. He vowed to love you for better or worse, sickness or health, richer or poorer and to cherish and love YOU and FORSAKING ALL OTHERS! Physical looks do NOT enter into it.
And even if I had a thing about being overweight (which I don't) I still would NEVER tell my wife she's got to lose weight unless it was a serious health issue.
JMHO.
I am sorry he did this to you.
Harold

and when you get older and wrinkles come in, then what? if all you are to him is the outside package, then his head will always be turned by the next pair of hips to sway by. do not let him emotionally abuse you by making you feel ugly! if he has a hang up about your weight but your okay with it then don't change for him! because chances are high that there will be something else he thinks you should change. perhaps next he'll demand you get triple f breast implants or he'll leave you, then what?

Thanks for the input. To be honest I am not ok with my weight, but I feel so demotivated. I would like to loose about 20 pounds. We went to MC and she taught us about accountability in a marriage. There is so many things my H loves about me, my morals, faith, smart, fantastic mother, he says I'm good looking - but obviously not good enough. Before he had the A, he says he was so turned off by me sexually - and he's still not turned on and he says he feels quilty about what he did - he has withdrawn sexually. This has not movitivated me, but it makes me depressed. What is strange is he is still jealous - he knows that other men look at me and he thinks a male friend of mine is interested in me, matter of fact he accused (basically) of having an A w/ him, but he knows that I wouldn't have sex w/ him and still be married. What r your thoughts

I believe in the wedding vows, and you fall in love with a person for what they are inside, that there your best freind, if 20 pounds is all you need to lose, than i dont think that should be a problem, it doesnt sound like your that overweight, if my wife gained alot of weight, i would love her just the same ,i wouldnt tell her she was , its something she should want to change, what would be his next excuse if you did lose weight

I believe in the wedding vows, and you fall in love with a person for what they are inside, that there your best freind, if 20 pounds is all you need to lose, than i dont think that should be a problem, it doesnt sound like your that overweight, if my wife gained alot of weight, i would love her just the same ,i wouldnt tell her she was , its something she should want to change, what would be his next excuse if you did lose weight

I believe in the wedding vows, and you fall in love with a person for what they are inside, that there your best freind, if 20 pounds is all you need to lose, than i dont think that should be a problem, it doesnt sound like your that overweight, if my wife gained alot of weight, i would love her just the same ,i wouldnt tell her she was , its something she should want to change, what would be his next excuse if you did lose weight, I wish my wife could tell me why, any reason, but she doesnt she just says it was a stupid mistake ,a time of self distuction, that the sex was the same, and i meet all her emotional needs, but if its true than why?????

My H says I good looking but I still have to work on the weight, he is not encouraging. When I feel down I stop working on myself for myself. I feel I will never be good enough. when I try to explain this to my H he says oh poor me - and could understand why I think he's selfish, but this is who he is and just being honest. When he meet me I had all the qualities he was looking for and the weight was something he thought he could deal with, but thats not who he is.

Caroline,
You need to feel good about yourself. Feel good and confident about who you are on the inside and when your ready and you feel good about yourself and who you are you can work on the outside. But do it for you, to make you feel good. If you feel good about yourself it will radiate on the outside. I workout alot and it makes me feel good about myself. It gives me more confidence and I feel good with who I am.
I need to feel good about myself to help me overcome my anxiety about my H's A. As stressed and anxious as I am these days I know that taking care of me and knowing I've done nothing wrong and I am a good person and I need to feel good about myself.
He's already hurt you deep inside, don't let it take control of you.
Keep your head high.