Hello,
I am brand new here and after reading a few of the posts, I see that i am certainly not alone.
About 2-3 months ago , my wife began spending more time on-line. We have a group of friends on-line(and in person) who all talk regularly and get together for travel and other activities.
I noticed a change in her but couldn't quite put my finger on it.
We have been married almost 18 years, most of them very happy. Sex life has always been good, but less frequent in recent years (1-2 times/week)
Anyway... I discover she had been visiting chat sites, one in particular called "Married but Tempted" I noticed she had an additional e:mail ady in her WebTv and when I initially inquired about it, she said it was set up for a discussion group for Weight Watchers, which she has/had been attending.
Turns out she had been spending LOTS of time on this chat board, had evolved into cyver-sex, and began having phone conversations/phone sex with several of the people from the chat room. I asked her for our cell phone bill last month, and she got all strange, that is when I was sure there were things going on.
After reviewing the bill, I found countless calls to men all over the country, one 800 number turned out to be a calling card which she purchased to make many of these calls on cell and at home.
I confronted her, and she came clean with what had been going on, to a point.
She was very upset, said she had just been having these feeling she had never had before, was excited by the thrill/anonymity etc. I was not happy about all of this, but having seen other go down the path of various internet addictions, I wasn't completely devistated.
But, the more I looked into things I was finding more out, and started noticeing more
local numbers. I confronted her asking if she had gone and met any of these men. She did confess to having met a man for lunch, but that nothing happened. She said she was scared, ashamed and frieghtened of destroying our marriage.
We went and got her alternate e:mail deleted, and she swore she was done with this cyber-mess. I felt as if all had not come out , and I decided to put a phone recording device on our home line while I was away this past weekend camping with my brothers. I had actually come home friday evening to see our daughter off to the her prom, and had a great intimate session before I left to go back to the woods.
When I got home on monday and listened to the phone recordings, I was blown away.
Not an hour after I had left the house, she was on the phone with one of her cyber-men. After swearing that this was all just fantasy, and a 'wrong turn' she took, she was continuing to have these phone liaasons. I started doing a lot of reading about cyber-affairs, and kept reading the stories of how often they evolve into real-time relationships.
Yesterday, the next months cell bill arrives. I had confronted her in about the middle of the billing cycle, so there were numerous calls prior to that date. One string of calls was from a night she was out for her sisters bachelorette party, all to this same number. Starting at 10pm the calls begin, and then a series of calls following the end of the party - each one traveling west from our home, and ending at 3am. She didn't arrive home until 6am that morning.
Well this sent me over the edge. Subsequent calls from/to this number were only a few afterwards. At first she said didn't meet him , she chickened out. After pressing her she claims she did meet him, they kissed and had heavy petting in the car, and that she was not at all turned on by him and that she left. She said she was so scared and worried, tired and crying and barely able to drive, and she pulled over and tried to sleep for a while.
I can't decide to believe her or not. She claims she wants to do anything and everthing to save our marriage. I get the sense she is truly sorry and devastated by this path she went down. All the e:mail and other things I found don't indicate that any of these liaasons went beyond these short-lived contacts - and nothing I've found indicates she had any degree of love or affection for any man in particular.
I am very hurt. There are people who say cyber-sex is or s not cheating. Certainly phone sex crosses that line, and most definitely going to meet someone does.
It keeps eating away at me that she is affraid to come completely clean with what happened in this while scenario. I want to believe, but too many lies have been spoken up to this point.
I do love her, and want to work things out - but the 'not knowing' if she has come clean with everything is causing the most pain. I have not been 100% perfect in all these years, but have never had any type of affair.
Help - I'm frazzled. I'm just in this empty sort of limbo state.
I just turned 40, she is 39.
Is this just midlife crisis kind of **** ?
Is this a bump in the road ?
Can we get past this ?
