My H had an A while deployed in the desert. I said I would not leave and wanted to work things out. So he came home which I assumed meant he wanted to work things out too. I found out he was communicating with her by e-mail. I asked him to stop and he said he wanted her to stay in his life as " she was the best friend he has ever had"
I asked him to stop he didn't. Then he springs needing to see her after her return to "put things in perspective". Says he's leaving this weekend, so I gave him the choice of us, myself and our 2 children, or him going. He choose going so I asked him to move out lastnight. I just
found this websight yesterday but everyone was telling me he should leave
I need to set a boundry with him and stick to my consequences for breaking it.
Now I and second guessing my decision. And he has left for his weekend of fun wiht her.
I feel so confused.

Hi April,

Welcome - and I am very sorry for your pain.

This is a very confusing time right now. You have come to the right place. And I'm sorry to say, you are not alone. Many here know how you feel. (unfortunately)

How are you doing?

Have you read some of the links such as the basic concepts?
Plan A/Plan B

If he came back next week wanting you to take him back, would you?

A very good book to readi is call Surviving an Affair. It is written by Dr. Harley. It saved my sanity. I heard that Barnes and Noble might have it. I ordered mine off the website. It came within a couple of days.

Others have recommended Torn Usunder (sp). I have not read it. I don't recall who the author is.

John39 has some good links in his sig line. So does someone else, I don't recall who.

Anyways, just wanted to extend a welcome, come and vent, talk whatever. This is a very rough time right now.

When I first came here, I was told I would be on a emotional rollercoaster ride. They were not kidding.

Right now, emotions are really raw, so I would not make too many major decisions at this time.

Thanks Sue,
I have read some I need to read more that's for sure. I have so many questions but I can't think of one now. My kids and I are hurting so badly. I just don't know what to do. No, I have conditions for his return. Counciling is first and foremost, second is a 12 step program for sexual addiction.
He just left lastnight and we haven't talked since. I don't know where he is,or where he is going. Nothing. I have an idea but nothing concrete. He says this isn't about me it's about him and he has to do this or he won't be able to work it out.

There is this thing called Fog talk, you will hear more about it, the longer you are here.

Fog talk is basically they say the dumest stuff and expect us BS's to believe it. I guess they think we are in a fog.

Just so you know, the weekends can be slow, so, hang in there. I know this is a long weekend, which makes it harder, I suppose.

Think I will take the kids (2 boys 12 and 14) out for ice cream tonight and try to do fun things this weekend. My h was gone 4 1/2 months, I hated every minute of it, the relationship started the month before he came home and the infidelity the night before he was to leave which caused him to have to stay 2 weeks longer for punishment. I swear he is in self destruct mode. He could have lost everything and still can with this mess. He has been home 3 weeks, we have talked a lot, thought we were on the same wave length to work it out but now I am wondering if it is just part of the game.

So, he got busted.

Boys are teenagers, a time when they really need a dad.

They need some fun. Ice cream sounds like fun.

No one really understands the way a WS thinks or their reasoning. Even the WS that are here who have recommitted to their M's or lost their BS's don't know where their heads were at during the A.

It will be slow over the weekend, but there will be people here. I will check in from time to time if I can over the weekend.

April,

The author of Torn Asunder is Dave Carder. My local Barnes & Noble didn't carry it, but I ordered it thru Amazon.com and had it in a couple of days. I too ordered Surviving An Affair thru the MB site; also ordered Fall In Love, Stay In Love at the recommendation of our MB coach, Jennifer Chalmers. Both are excellent reading. Until you get the books, read all you can about the MB concepts. It will really help you.

Fog-speak: "It isn't about us; it's about me." Of course it is about us. Get used to hearing these kinds of things that make no sense. Sue is right. And they expect you to believe them - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I too am sorry you are here; I'm sorry we are all here, but you will get wonderful, caring support. Keep checking in.

Take care.

Check the link in my signature line. I think Penny at saveyourmarriagecentral.com has some expertise with dealing with sexual addictions, but it is not clear to me that your husband is a sex addict. It is true that affairs are addictions - but in general as the term is used here, affairs refer to addictions to particular people. Sexual addiction is usually defined as an addictions to particular behaviors, not particular people. Sex addicitions may include serial affiars - but usually affairs with a low emotional connection to the OP's.