<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Hello, this is the first time that I get in a web like this,please I need to hear something from somebody.
Last night I got into my husband mailbox, and I found out that he is looking forward to have relashionship with men. We are married for 2 years and we have a 7 month baby.When I read the email that he got back from 2 guys I was shock I could say a word, I was shaking and it just broke my heart.we had some problems during our marriage but I though everything will be different now, we were separete for few months. Everytime tha he wrote to me during that time, he was very loving, and since he got back everything was doing perfect. I'm so lost that I don't know what to do, who to react, this situation is terrible. They are making plans to go out and meet somewhere, well maybe they did already because my husband was supposted to be working last night, he just got back. I didn't say a word to him until now. I think this is worse than he been unfaithful with a woman, It just doesn't keep in my mind that he is doing this to me. There is no day that he says to me how much he loves me, and it was just a couple nights ago that he said to me that I mean everything for him, that he loves to deth and that he never never will cheat on me. Now that that I see his face I think how foolish I was.
The first though that came to my mind was LEAVE HIM, I wont accept this, we are living out the states and if we moved was because his job, and I agreed to leave everything for him.
PLease i need a advice, before I take a decision. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi and welcome,

Weekends are generally slow so be patient.

I don't know a whole lot about men being Gay except from what I've been told from the two I've worked with. With that in mind, if he is really Gay, they say it is part of who they are, and they cannot change. It is you being a woman and finding men attrative, they find men attractive too.

In this case, I would say walk away and start healing from the pain.

Do you think this is a case of experimenting?

As in any A, there is the risk of STD's. I don't know if homosexuality has a higher risk or not, so be careful in case it does.

If he is Bisexual, I would probably still walk away because he would want you to be tolerant of his multiple preferances.

I've never in my responses, unless the person's safety was in danger, suggested they leave. However, how do you win in this situation?

Others will come with better responses. I'm sure there is someone who has experienced the same.

I'm sorry you are going through this pain,

<small>[ May 25, 2003, 08:41 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

Is good to hear something from someone else than mom, who says she doesn't know what could I do. My H told to this men that he is bisexual,that he likes women but he is seriosly want to have pleasure also with men. I also think that even if he promise over and over than he will change this is impossible. This hurts too much.

Infidelity is infidelty, regardless if the OP is same sex or other sex. The BS is still left hurting.

In situations where the A consists of a heterosexual relationship, at least the BS, has a chance of restoring their M.

You do to, if you wanted to live this sort of life. I don't know much about Bisexuality, I'm guessing he would not be happy unless he had both you and his male lover.

I know it is hard to live this way, I know it hurts.

How long have you and your H known each other including marriage?

is this something new, such as a passing phase?

Hi, I would like to echo what the others have said to you tonight hon. I can NOT imagine the hurt and pain you must be feeling.

I wish I had words to say. I will say this though, you are in shock at the moment and I would not make ANY major decisions in this state, one way or another.

Do you have any good friends that you trust enough to share this with? Besides your Mother?

Please keep posting and reading and learning from this site, it will be an invaluable resource for you in the days ahead.

Don't give up!! You will get through this.

Diamonzzz

This is a painful time for you, and you have my empathy.

Make sure you do not confuse bisexuality with polygamy. I have many bisexual friends who made vows of fidelity and monogamy to their current partners. Those vows mean what they say - that they are faithful to their partner, regardless of whether they might enjoy relationships with a same sex partner or not. I may enjoy being with women as much as men - but I would never use that preference or desire as an excuse to betray vows.

Being bisexual does not give your husband a "free ride" on the infidelity train (unless, of course, that's something you are both okay with, and agree to in your relationship).

I cannot even begin to fathom what you are going through. You have my deepest concern and my prayers.

One of the things that concerns me is that your H seems to be actively seeking opportunities to be unfaithful. I live in Washington, D.C., where the fastest growing population of persons becoming infected with STD's--including HIV--are heterosexual women. This is because of the insidious lifestyle of men who are living on "the down low." These are men, who have had homosexual encounters, while refusing to acknowledge to themselves--much less their wives and girlfriends--that they are either bisexual or gay. In fact, these men will vehemently deny that they are gay or bisexual and will become downright offended at the suggestion that they are. Some of them have been married for years, have grown children, and live these seemingly innocuous lives with their spouses. They don't fit any particular stereotype or "look." As a result, they are infecting their wives and girlfriends. This is not intended to frighten you. However, this is something you may want to consider before engaging in sexual relations with him again. I would strongly recommend being tested for STD's. This would be the case even if your H were seeking to explore extra-marital relationships with other women. Even if your H were "experimenting," why should your health--and life--be put at Many of these wives and girlfriends don't even find out that their husbands or boyfriends have had homosexual encounters until one or both of them becomes sick or the husband or boyfriend is arrested for "indecent" sex acts.

It's hard for you to make a decision about your marriage right now. However, it's time for both of you to put all your cards on the table. I would also encourage you to read everything on this site. Whatever you decide, you will get through this.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Hi,

I thought more knowledgble MB'ers would come. As I said, I really didn't know, because I didn't know anybody who is Bi.

What they say make sense.

This is a really hard time for you.

Hi Desperate...

I'm so sorry for your pain...

This must be harder that if H had an A with another women...

Look this is not my spot u are in, but my best friend is gay, and I got a fairly close relationship with a couple that happened the same as you.

Maybe my advise is not the best but I'll give anyway...

I can understand at some point how a person might be THAT confused about sexuality. When I talked to my gay friend he put a faitly simple example...What kind of icecream you like most? vanilla or chocolate? well he liked chocolate cause he didn't tryed vanilla ( so how could he really tell right?), and I liked chocolate because I didn't ever wanted to taste vanilla... get my point?

It's very very hard for you I know.. not just u became betrayed, but also your H behaviour is leading to play to the wrong team... Is not against a women u have to play, but against a man... and I can tell you baby you can NOT play against that... You have hard choices to make now. And maybe you just don't want to do it now.
I advice you to go into counseling NOW and I mean NOW. You can not compete with that, and I would also advice you get no contact with your husband until things clears some more for him. You can get a really bad disease from him, and also he is very confused to even consider this. ohhh don't take me wrong, I know this things happen, but you will allow them to happen to you and be ok with it??? that is an all another matter...

It's hard for me to tell now... for me to H had an A would be a cause for D... right now I don't know that anymore, but if the A was with another man I would leave him in a heart beat.

Take care

<small>[ May 26, 2003, 11:55 AM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

Hiya, desperate.

I'm bisexual, so I think I can speak to some of the issues that others have raised.

First, bisexuals do NOT have to have sex with both men and women. If you're bi, it simply means that you have attractions, to a greater or lesser degree, to both sexes. Many bisexual people say that they are attracted to particular -people- rather than to men or to women.

But this does not mean that they have to act on those attractions!

Straight people, gay people, and bisexual people all have to live with their attractions. Everyone (yes, everyone) is attracted to lots of people. Atraction to others doesn't get shut off just because you spoke your marriage vows and wear a ring now, much as it might make all our lives easier if it did.

So! Having said all that, I have to say this, too: It doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter whether the affair partner is male or female. It isn't important in the slightest. What matters is that you keep your marriage vows wholly and holy. Fidelity is NOT about who else you're attracted to.

It's about how you protect your love for your spouse.

So, accept that attractions exist, and vary, between people. All kinds of people have all kinds of different attractions. And then forget it and decide to stay married anyway. Because it's the right thing to do.

<small>[ May 26, 2003, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: J of HJK ]</small>

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 04:54 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>