Thanks for your input. My H did have problems. His job as a policeman because of where he was working at the time, plain clothes, gave him too much freedom. The first girl with the hand jobs he met in the park. When she wanted something out of it, he ran. The second girl he met from a friend(policeman) and this girl hung around the station and was know to go with anyone for sex. He knoew at least half the guys working there had girlfriends other than their wife. H told me he always thought he was just as good as everyone else(self-esteem problem?) So, if these guys could do it what about him. Realized after these two girls that it was not worth it. Jobs changed, I became preganant for a child we really wanted.

I think he wanted to be like the guys, one of them. What do you think of this???

Max,
Wow, a police officer has a very demanding and stressful job. This put a lot of pressure on a person to perform. I have a friend who's ex husband is a police officer and he was doing the same thing. He couldn't get control of himself and they divorced.

Well if it is the norm for police officers to act that way, then yes a lot of peer pressure was being put on your husband to fit in with the best of them.(Yes there is a self esteem issue there) In his eyes he sees it as being right. since law enforcement people have god-like syndrome behavior. I get what I want, how I want it, the way I want it and when I want it-Superiority complex-I am the law and I can break the law if I choose so.

Again is this just sex? He says he doesn't have any unmet needs. He has to be truthful with himself first. Just sex is an unmet emotional need. Just sex could really be mistaken for a lack of intimacy. Men just as well as women have a desire to be needed, desired, attractive and validated, without losing their macho ego status.

Your husband seems to fall right along those lines. It also seems as though your H is probably intimidated by you in some way. Even though he is an authority figure he probably loses that at home. Therefore he must use his authority to get what he wants. Just look at the people he was involved with. Instead he needs to look for intimacy from you. He doesn't know how to do that

So I think: yes it could be peer pressure, the pressure to perform. The stress of the job and I still believe some underlying emotional repressed need. However, yet with these many problems it is still no excuse. Your husband needs to seek someone to talk to. He has unmet needs and how can you perform them if he is not honest and speak it. When he realizes he's dealing with an addiction and get help- I see steps to correct the situation. Talk with him along these lines and see what comes out.

God Bless

Larry, Thanks again for your advice. Glad someone did answer my post. What you said hits it right on the head. I mentioned to my H what I thought, just like you, his unmet needs at the time were. He said yes that was a possiblity. He always had the idea if someone else could do something, he could do it better. I think this stems from a lonely childhood also. He had friends but his father died when he was eight, and his mother for a time had a drinking problem after his father died. Hard on a eight year boy and his brother of six years old.

I asked if he thought he had a addiction to sex and he said he doesn't think so because if he did there would have been a lot more with the girls. He never looked around for girls just what was easy. Early on in our marriage he called two of my friends and asked to come over, one said no and a few years later called another and went over there, but nothing happened, she said no also and they only had coffee(H knew her husband).

After changing jobs to an inside job H did not do anything. All of this happenend 27 years ago. He has been faithful since. I just found out all this in Dec. In 1980 I had my son. H was devoted to him as this was a much hoped for child. Only one child for us. H now retired. During all the years Even when cheating, my H hardly worked overtime and always home when not working. We went everywhere together we explored new Things like camping, hiking, biking, scuba diving, caneoeing, and traveled all over the US.

I know he has not done anything since 76. H even took a polygraph to prove that to me. H is so sorry he did this stuff and feels hurt because he hurt me so badly. H says he will do anything to make this up to me if it takes til he dies. H has been very helpful when I cry and can't stopand when I hurt so bad I can't sleep. I feel H is truly sorry.

Another thing Larry, you are right on his probably being afraid of me. That is so uncanny of you to pick up on that. H did mention he was afraid of me. Wow you should be a psychologist. Thanks again. If you have anything more to say to help me or just your take on this I would appreciate hearing from you God Bless and prayers with you for helping me.

I am truly thankful that I could help. What God has done in my marriage I promised him I would help all in this situation that the enemy tries to destroy. I feel I have kicked him in the head again. It sounds as if you guys are well on your way. even though it was 27 years ago it still hurts like it just happpened.

May God bless you. You may keep in touch with my wife or myself if you wish. Email: faith1957@sbcglobal.net <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />