it feels like this pain will never end. my brain says that it will, over time, ease. my heart, on the other hand, says that i will never get over my husband's infidelity. i've tried talking to him about our relationship before the A, but all he says is that he didn't have any unmet needs. he said that he was lonely because we had been apart for so long, and that it was just a huge mistake on his part. i try to let him know how i'm feeling, but it's basically the same stuff over and over. i know this is irritating him, but i need for him to understand the pain that i'm going through. his one-night-stand has destroyed my trust in him. everytime i try to explain my feelings, i get emotional and i can't express it well. he gets upset because he thinks that i don't believe him when he says that he loves me. it's not that at all. i know that he loves me and our children, but it's hard for me to understand how he could risk losing it all for 15 minutes of sex with a person that he barely knew. how could he betray me like that? how could he not think about me, and what it would do to me, before he did this? i'm so tired of crying over this. sometimes i feel like i can get through this and other times all i do is cry about it. how can i work on my marriage when i can't even make it through the day with out crying about this?

Hon, you need someone to talk to. A counselor. A minister. A mother. Someone who will listen to you cry and get it out and perhaps offer words of wisdom in exchange. Are you talking to someone? There's no need for you to go through this alone.

i can't tell my parents. they would cause a bunch of problems and just make things worse. they aren't exactly the nicest people. i lost most of my friends when i got married. they were all single and didn't understand the pressures of being married and having kids. i've talked to members of his family, but all they do is say that if they were me that they would leave him. that is the last thing that i want. i love him so much. we share 2 beautiful children. i still want to be with him. we are trying to work through this, but i can't seem to get past the image of him being with someone else. it's gotten to the point where i can't eat and i'm having trouble sleeping. i just don't know what to do. nothing seems to be helping.

Yes, time will help, as well as what you do with it (have you read all the embedded links in the page in my signature line and ordered SAA, TA, or both?). But two weeks is a very short time. Recovery frequently takes two YEARS. You might want to see a doctor about anti-D medication, to help you out at first.

i am feeling so alone. i feel like if he were here that things would be easier, but i guess it could make things more difficult also. i am really trying to get through this, but i find that i'm being really self-destructive. i am obsessing over the thought of them together. i even went so far as to ask him to tell me every detail of what happened. i thought it couldn't be any worse than what i was imagining. i was wrong. i blew up at him after he told me everything. i know this didn't help things. his family says that it was a mistake and that they know that he'd never do it again. my reply was that i use to "know" that he'd never cheat on me. i am so angry.

I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I found out 2 months ago, my husband of 30 years(in July) had an liason, over two years ago, with another couple. It was a distant friend of his and her boyfriend of many years (She is married to someone else). He was the "birthday Present". I found out by tracing a posting on a smut web site. Iam also devistated. To him its long gone but to me it was YESTERDAY! I also cry about it everyday. And the most hurtful part is he's not sorry it happened, but he is sorry for hurting me. It has consumed my thoughts since I found out. I actually figured it out in February, but he didn't confess until March. I also couldn't sleep and eat. I asked for the truth and he finally gave it to me. Now I have to live with it. It is VERY difficult, especially when there is no one to talk to. The thoughts of what they did run constantly in my mind especially when we are being intimate. Its a pain that I feel will never go away.. but I know, my hope and faith will get me through this. Someday... You are in my thoughts and prayers....

I feel just like you!! I was so sure that my H would NEVER cheat on me. It hurts so bad to find out that he did. I just found out 2 weeks ago that he cheated on me over a year ago with some bartender!! He didn't even know her last name!! But that didn't stop him from going back to her twice more after the first time "just for sex"!! So it was more than a one-night-stand, but it wasn't a full blown affair either.

Even though it ended for him over a year ago, the pain for me is fresh. I made him tell me all the details, too. I wanted to know if he did things with her that he didn't do with me!! I wanted to know if he wore his ring while he was with her. I wanted to know if they talked, or just did it. It sounds like yours. He says that each time he was there for less than a half hour total. Nothing special, just plain old-fashioned missionary sex!! SO WHY'D HE DO IT??? What was so special about her?? Why would he risk everything we have for 3 meaningless rounds of sex with someone he barely knew???

Sound like the questions going through your head?? I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in what your feeling right now.

you sound like me, i am currently going through the same scenario. i read your post and thought that could have posted the same info. i found out 3 weeks ago and i am trying to find the right counselor, i feel so alone. even though he has become more attentive. the hurt is so deep.

I am sorry to hear of the pain you are going through. Everything you said and the posts to follow are exactly how i'm feeling. I found out 2 weeks ago about his A 6 months ago. I can't stop thinking about it and picturing it and I did ask for ALL the details. I don't know waht bothers me more, that he was passionately kissing her for 5 minutes or having sex for 5 minutes. Well he did both so I guess it doesn't matter which is worse. I hope we can all get through this and it disgusts me the hear that so many men are doing this to the women they said they loved.

i didn't realize that there were so many people that are going through the same thing that i am. i'm not glad that we are all going through this, but i am glad that i am not alone. it makes me feel better. he swears that all he did was lay there and let her do what she wanted to him. he says that when she tried to kiss him on the mouth that he turned his head. he didn't want to kiss her. he keeps apoligizing and he said that he is willing to listen to any ranting that i want to do. i know that he loves me. i didn't realize how much until i talked to his parents. apparently, he is scared to death that i'm going to leave him. he said he would give up everything if it meant that we could be together. he even offered to quit his long distance driving job. i told him not to do that because he loves driving a truck and i want him to be happy. he said he could be happy doing anything as long as we are together. so we are going to try to live on the truck together. i am scared to death, but atleast i have hope that we can get through this. we can be a family again and our kids won't be split between us. i'm trying so hard to work through my obsession with his infidelity. the fact that she got him off by riding him, hurts me because i have never been able todo that. i'm still afraid that he's going to leave me for her because she's better in bed thatn i am, but he swears that it was just sex and that it's always amazing with me. he says he doesn't want her, but my insecurities won't let me believe that. she's some 110 lb blonde and i'm a huge red head. i feel so ugly when i think about her. why would he want to be with me when he could be with a petite blonde? he tells me that he thinks that i'm beautiful, but i don't feel that way.

Maybe it will help us all if we realize men are different from women. I believe with women, sex and love go hand in hand, whereas men view these as two separate entities. This should not be an excuse for unfaithfulness though. My pain is physical as well as emotional.