I posted a couple of days back "He's fallen out of Love" and number of folks responded. Please know your comments have been very helpful.

Also, I've been reading a number of post and understand that as devastated as Ieel.. some of you are going through much worse... I wish I could provide comforting thoughts and advice to you all... but I'm so new at this.. an am still a bit self absorbed.

My H had an A...notes "he is not in Love anymore".. however we had a good weekend.. a couple of fun outings were I least I forgot the pain at hand... We are also going to counseling..

My question is.. I am obsessed with this A and my pain.. if he doesn't call I panic..tonight he is out with the guys playing handball and I am certain it is not an honest answer... I think he is only here becuase he enjoys my family and my daughter and my money.. but not because he wants to make it work with me....

other signs would indicate I'm nuts.. he is affectionate, arranged for counseling, says he loves me.. but I simply don't believe him.. Ifear my protective devices are taking hold and I am falling out of love with him... I find myself making plans with friends (both men and women) to protect from the pain of his potential leaving..

Is this normal???

Hi Sue

I've read all your previous posts and the answers, and your story reminds me so much of mine. My H doesn't say he loves me though - only as a friend and for being our sons mother.

I feel the same way you do - falling out of love (he's not the man he used to be - now he's a cheater) - so I would say it's normal to feel like that in a situation like this. Afterall we're in a major emotional crisis being betrayed like that.
But I'm pretty sure in my case it's only because I try to protect myself from H's potential leaving.
Deep in my heart I love him and I'll do whatever I can to make him love me again.

I'm there with you too. My situation has been going on for over two years. FWW and I saw a counselor/friend back in Dec. of 1991 (three months post D-day). He told us to do nice things for each other...even wash each other's feet every night. He told W to say "I love you" even if she doesn't. Fake it till you feel it approach. Well, in all of this time that has passed I can still tell by her actions that she has gone no further than when we started. So in a discussion with her about three weeks ago I told her I don't want her to even say the words anymore. It is just a lie and lying is something I want her to quit doing. It was one of the lovebusters that has torn our M apart in the first place. Was I wrong in telling her that?
I can't believe that after all of this time she still doesn't feel anything more.

Sorry to highjack your post. We, as victims in this mess are helpless. We have to take a big bite of our pride and swallow hard to get past the pain. Then we have to be nice, fulfill our partner's needs and try to lure them back to what was once a wonderful relationship. Is it fair? NO! Is it worth it? That depends on the person. I have experienced several occasions where I asked myself that very question. I am a Christian and believe in M. I know that God believes in the institute of M and wants mine to work out...therefore will give me the help needed. We have two young children (6 and 4) whom I do not want to become a statistic. So yes, so far it has been worth it to me.

I really feel for you concerning your own situation. You have to ask yourself the very same questions I did. I pray it is worth it for you as well.

God promises to help us through our difficult times. The one thing we have to remember is He doesn't promise a smooth ride getting there.

Take care of yourself.

Jetes

I know exactly what your talking about my H had an A for 6 months and got caught he has been at home for 4 months and is more attentive and caring than ever before but I feel myself withdrawing so that I will not be hurt again and I have loved him for so long and want my marriage to work but I grew up in a cheating household and I always said you cheat you divorce no questions ask but when it happens to you its different. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SF:
<strong>I posted a couple of days back "He's fallen out of Love" and number of folks responded. Please know your comments have been very helpful.

Also, I've been reading a number of post and understand that as devastated as Ieel.. some of you are going through much worse... I wish I could provide comforting thoughts and advice to you all... but I'm so new at this.. an am still a bit self absorbed.

My H had an A...notes "he is not in Love anymore".. however we had a good weekend.. a couple of fun outings were I least I forgot the pain at hand... We are also going to counseling..

My question is.. I am obsessed with this A and my pain.. if he doesn't call I panic..tonight he is out with the guys playing handball and I am certain it is not an honest answer... I think he is only here becuase he enjoys my family and my daughter and my money.. but not because he wants to make it work with me....

other signs would indicate I'm nuts.. he is affectionate, arranged for counseling, says he loves me.. but I simply don't believe him.. Ifear my protective devices are taking hold and I am falling out of love with him... I find myself making plans with friends (both men and women) to protect from the pain of his potential leaving..

Is this normal???</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">