My wife of almost 10 years and we have 2 children. She was supposed to be on a business trip for 3 days and then spend some time with friends... But while doing my normal internet cleaning up, I discovered that my wife was actually going on the business trip for a day and then to New York with an acquantice that I never suspected. He is 14 years older than my wife. I then took a quick glance at her clothes that were left behind and was able to gather from the missing clothing that this is not a business trip.

Currently, we are experiencing troubles in our marriage. She asked for a separation around Valentines Day, but discussed it and she decided to stay. I thought that we had improved our relationship until this.

My question comes like this: Should I confront(question?) her about this trip or should I let the trip happen with the distinct possibility that she completes the infidelity and possibly destroys the marriage or should I consider the possibility of divorcing this woman that I love with all my heart?

One thing that I did do is ask her tonight to cut her trip short and come home so we continue to talk through our problems. She said that she would call me in the morning.

Please help1!!!

One other question... if I do confront her how will it seem like I wasn't spying... I actually believed that she wasn't cheating or going to cheat on me and wanted to work on our marriage. At least that is what she said. So maybe I'm the village idiot for believing her.

It is important to let her know what is going on if you are going to save your marriage. Burying your head in the sand will only enable her to continue the affair and continue to lie to you.
Clearly your suspicions were correct. It is important that she knows that you know and that there will be consequences to her actions. Maybe this will be a catalyst for a discussion of what you can do to save your marriage. Allowing her to think she can fool you and have sex with her lover will only allow her to continue and move further away from you emotionally and physically.
The Harleys believe by shining the light on the affair forces to cheating spouse to see what they are doing to all of those invoved. If the OM is married I would contact his wife. No consequences to her actions equals no motivations to change.
I wish you luck.

Don't worry about the sneaking around and snooping. If she had nothing to hide she would not mind. It's when a Wayward Spouse has something to hide that they get defensive.

If the tables were turned you would expect her to snoop too.

How about showing up in New York and joining her? find a sitter or a friend to take the children and "surprise" her!

<small>[ May 28, 2003, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>