Ali88
I will attempt to explain wher I found your post to be a love buster.
Your opening.
?????????????????????What????????????????????????
This sounds like a question of Randy's intelligence. "Randy I can't believe that you are so stupid that you could believe what you are saying." Would you like to have this directed toward you as an opening ramark in a conversation. Not much incentive for him to tell you his honest feelings if it sounds like you are belittling him. LOVE BUSTER!
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Your next statement.
"They are whores and why would want to keep them in your memory???? "
One ? would suffice, yet you again questioned his intelligence with ???. Again ask yourself about the tone of voice you are projecting. Is it encouraging him to be honest, or is it telling him that you think he is stupid? LOVE BUSTER!
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"Who cares how it ended! I am thankful that it did!"
Randy cares how it ended! Immature? Yes. But it is a real obstacle for him to get over. Consider your child for a moment. Will he be slow at learning after all his medical problems? Will you beat him if he has troubling comming to understand something that he needs to learn? No! You will take him to a specialist and follow all the sussestions that are given to you, because you want only the best for the child.
Today Randy has the mentality of a child when it comes to the details of how the affair ended, and beating him over the head will not teach him anything but to withdraw into his own little world where all he has to cope with is the one pain at a time.
No one has to agree with Randy's feelings, yet you need to aknowledge them as real. To Randy they are real and he is hearing that to gave them equals being stupid. Do you think he is stupid? If not don't make him feel that you think he is. Another LOVE BUSTER!
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"Remember you told me that you wanted to end the A a number of times! But she cried and begged and said no!"
You are using his own words to make your point. Does it feel to Randy like you are twisting his words around to use against him? How many points does that add to your LOVE BANK account?
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" What, a few weeks later she dumped you?"
Is this a question or a statement that he is not supposed to answer? Love buster or love banking?
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"You should have been thankful!"
For what? Helping him make himself look like a fool in front of his little world? Kicking him in his manhood after he made himself vulnerable and cared for her? Help him understand why and he might turn to you for more than telling you that you don't understand him. It is all in his mentality of the moment. Another L Buster!
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"She did you a favor! And me one too!"
Have you called her to express your appreciation for that favor she did for you? Exactly what was that favor? What was Randy's favor, and what was yours? Don't leave it up to him to try and figure out what they were. That sounds like the ploy "If you don't know by now I'm surely not going to waste my time telling you". Are you so much smarter than him that you have the answer, yet make him beg before you will share it with him? Big time L Buster!
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"I am begging you again to please focus on us! "
This I can understand is your need, and totaly valid. Consider this issue to be like an earache. This is like asking him to ignore the earache and sing happy tunes? "Get over it" without medical attention or treatment. It just doesn't work that way, left untreated earaches and ego infections only grow worse. Bust or Bank?
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"I promise she will get hers! That thing is going to mess around with the wrong persons husband! And believe me it is going to be bad!"
If you have to focus on that thing, realize what she is! She will get what is coming to her! you know it and so does everyone on this site! So please stop obbessing over her punishment! PLEASE!
How will you fulfill this promice if your prophesy doesn't come to pass? What happens if she were to have a conversion tomorrow? This is a promice that YOU can't keep. Radical honesty or only what you hope comes to pass? For it to be radical honesty you must be willing to take matters into your own hands and go to Texas. Then what do you do? Are your thoughts also dwelling on seeing her get what she deserves? Are those thoughts getting in the way of working on your marriage? You must also "GET OVER IT" just the same as you tell Randy to do. Bust or Bank?
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"Because it is driving me crazy!! "
And it is also driving him crazy. You are both dwelling only on your own personal needs, and not on what you need together. You are both being TAKERS. Where is the GIVER? I can see both, but the TAKER is dominant in both of you. Neither of you can take 80% and give only 20%.
I won't ask which it is, you are by now getting the picture of your post.
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"You are better than this! Please take your energies and focus on us! We need it more than that thing does!"
Here you are asking him to become a giver rather than a taker. How does he know that he is being a taker? Have you discussed this aspect of the issue? You are being the taker here, rather than a giver? Even though your last sentence is true, you are still asking for him to be the giver. What are you willing to give in return?
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"You told me and I am not sure if this is true, but you said everytime you were with her you felt this incredible guilt! Well, take that guilt you had then and apply now! I could really use some reassurance! "
Givers and Takers.
The same as the above. Except that you questioned his honesty in the first sentence. How is that for a love buster?
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I will see you tomorrow night!
Snugs and a smooch
Ali wishes!
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I hope that this helps you to understand some of what I am seeing in your posts.
Now for a change of subject.
I am a retired surgical nurse. I only wish that I had made the big bucks.
Yes the condition your son has is not terribly uncommon, and properly treated it will have a good outcome. It does cause parents considerable worry though. I personaly haven't had a great deal of experience with this type of surgery. The Army deals mostly with young men and their families. For some reason young soldiers love to break their own bones, and their wives can't seem to have enough babies. Broken arm,
C-sectiion, broken leg, C-section, appendectomy, C-section. Day after day for 22 years. Actualy there were many other surgeries thrown in during the day but it sometimes seemed as if you were working on an assembly line for 16 to 18 hours a day. I got to where I felt that I could do a total hip, knee, or shoulder replacemnet in my sleep.
I have arthritis in my hands so bad today that I can't hold the instruments, therefore I am retired from nursing. I am in school again. I am working toward a BS,Ed English. A BA in creative writing, and a minor in social studies. I have also applied for a position in the MFA program in creative writing at EKU. I would have to move from Ok to Ky but that would put me less than 100 miles from my grandchildren, who are at Ft. Knox. More incentive HUH.
Hope all this helps you.
Agape. fudd.
