Hi, I'm brand new to this site. Never thought I'd ever be needing anything like this, but from a little browsing, I think you all may be the best support group available. Anyway...
My H and I talked about getting a D about 6 weeks ago. At that point it was, for me, because although very much in love, no SF in the 4 years we've been married. (yes, I know that revelation leads to a lot of questions..why not?..for another forum) I had an opportunity to cheat, came too close and scared myself into realising that we either needed to fix our problem, or I needed to be let out so I could find someone else who would satisfy me. H on the other hand had also come to the conclusion on his own that he wanted out. Although happy at some times, thought he was just not happy being married. It all sounded so good. Stay friends, remove the legal bonds, and who knows what will happen. Keep all the good without the bad. The deal was that our local hang out would remain off limits..stay neutral. Had big vacation plans already in effect at the time. Decises to go ahead w/ them. Catch H 5 days into a 14 day trip talking to 22 year old girl from local place on phone, when confronted, he admits they've become friends and talk on phone pretty often. She calls him 4x at 3:30 that morning on his cell phone, which was in the bedroom w/ me. I don't buy it after this that they're just friends. We talked the next night. He convinces me they are just friends and he really likes the attention, but all is innocent. He also tells me then that maybe he doesn't want a D after all, maybe being M is not so bad after all. We left for a 7 day cruise the next day. I totally invaded his privacy after a day on the boat and looked through the last calls listed on his cell phone. Seems they've been talking a lot. Every day or so, sometimes more than once, he tried to call her 3x on the boat as we were leaving port, but claimes he couldn't get though. Still denies any wrongdoing..just friends. Me, I'm very jealous and sad. We talked a lot while on the cruise. Had decided to try to make the M work after all. When we get back, snooping wife that I've become listens to his voicemail messages. She left him 5 in the 7 days on the cruise. Not the kind of messages you leave a friend. "I miss you, can't wait to see you, can't stop thinking about you" that kind of thing, no "I Love You's" though which is good. Confront him again. Finally admits that she maybe thinks he's her boyfriend. I hound him some more to find out why she might think this way. Finally, after repeatedly lying to me abut it, he admits that he's been seeing her. They've kissed on several occations and he took her out to dinner one night at one of our favorite restaurants. Still denies actual sex happened, which I really want to believe, but don't want to be made a fool of yet again. He did try to call her Sunday, before I listened to the messages and confronted him. Hasn't tried since then and hasn't answered any of her calls. He is expressing remorse and a desire to make our marriage work. I think that is what I want, but this whole EA has me distressed, confused, hurt, angry, any anything else that might apply. I so truly want to believe that no sex happened, but how can I. He lied to me about kissing her just yesterday. Then finally admitted that yes, just once..then finally admitted to more than just once..then finally admitted to taking her out on a date..I just don't know what to believe right now or how to go about getting over it and moving on. Those mental images are just killing me.
Whew. I'm so sorry to have been so long winded, but I really needed to get it out to someone, anyone, who can offer any advice or support. Thanks for your patience!
