At the moment I feel like I have nothing to lose so I've (almost) decided that I'll write the OW a letter asking her to consider leaving my husband alone.

I'll tell her how much pain and suffering the A is causing my son a I. I wonder if there are some examples of a letter to the OW and what should be avoided to say?

Will H dislike me even more if I send her an E-mail? Maybe - but I'm willing to take the risk.

what to avoid is sending it! if she doesn't already get that adultery hurts, she won't! all it will do is give her a reason to contact one of you again. the best thing to do is no contact at all, from either if possible. leaving her wondering what's happening is much worse than giving her the power of knowing you're vulnerable!

write it, put it in an envelope, and then burn it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I guess you're right! Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

WS ordered a plane ticked either for himself to go to London or for the OW to come from London to Denmark. I've checked our bank account!
Should I confront him, ask him... what to do? I'm ANGRY but I don't show him that.

i'd say ask about it. can you protect your bank accounts from him using the money to purchase gifts for her? do you want to work on marriage, even if he does go to her?

DW,

I think that you should send the letter. One of the main reasons to send it is to clear up any lies that your husband is telling her. And then after this one and only contact, never contact her again.

The person to ask about what to put in it is Cerri. She is wonderful. Why not go to her thread, I put a link to it here, and ask her to read what you have written here. Then ask her about the letter.

<small>[ June 04, 2003, 09:18 PM: Message edited by: zorweb ]</small>

I'm guessing Cerri will tell you something like: Say that you love your husband and will fight for your marriage, and rewpectfully request that she leave him alone so that he not be distracted from his marriage.

Or something like that. Nothing about the pain she is causing you. If she cared about that she would not be having an affair with your husband.

<small>[ May 30, 2003, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>

Thank you zorweb! I'll read up the the cerri thread and later when H is asleep I'll post my question.

H did buy the plane ticket! I told him I had payed some bills online and asked him "did you BTW buy a plane ticket 4 days ago?" He said "No, why?".
I told him the amount of money on that specific "order" which was payed in British Pounds (We use Danish Kroner normally) were the exact same as the plane tickets I bougt online for him when he was returning from Spain.
I'm not easy to hide anything from! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
"Ok, I borrowed her the money for a plane ticket" he said.
"I'll not support her financially - you do understand that, don't you"? I said.
He said "mmmmm"....

I didn't write the letter and I don't think that I ever will contact OW.
I'm doing GREAT Plan A'ing. It has removed a great deal of the tension in the house. I feel good about myself - I haven't cried for 3 days - and I know I'm doing the changes
for ME, not for him to see. He sees them though. I know he does but I'm so happy that it's not my primary goal. I just want to be happy and I am happy with myself at the moment. I kinda pisses him of and he seems to be so depressed! I wonder why my high selfesteem makes him more depressed???

I didn't know that I had so much strenght! I've been very open about all this mess and the A - told friends and family - and they all love me and support me without judging and interfering.

I pisses him off should have been - IT p..... him off... - so much for not following the english lessons

I sent an email to the OW myself and I found it more healing for myself than what the contents actually contained. I don't give a damn what she thinks.

Course I am still in the midst of the chaos (just told on Friday and sent an email to her Saturday.

My letter just said that while I was hurt and angry by the whole situation, I can get over it. I wanted her to leave us alone and stated if the shoe was on the other foot she would want the same. I also pointed out that if CLH wanted to be with her he would have chosen that path but he didn't. I also told her this impending birth of our 2nd child was a sign that we belonged together.

He saw her the day after he told me and basically reiterated everything in the letter I sent her. I told him about the letter and he supported the decision as a united front.

It's too bad A's so bloody messy. I feel for all of you suffering in this. It is so unfair and wrong.
Wishing you well!

<small>[ June 02, 2003, 08:48 PM: Message edited by: Hematite1975 ]</small>

Hi DW, It's me gingersnap you have replied on my post a couple of times. Anyway I sent an e-mail to the OW it was in response to one I found that she sent my H. I do believe it was that day that I became real to her. A woman who DID love her H not the unloving, uncaring person I was made out to be. She did not respond that upset me I thought she has no problem sleeping with my H but she is affraid to respond to me. Anyway a couple of months later I talked to her on the phone after a situation with me finding a # that I knew was hers, while talking to her I asked her about the e-mail, she said" I got your e-mail I did not write back because I didn't know what to say".

DW,

Sounds like you are doing wonderfully.

My bet is that it pisses him off or gets him depressed because you are making it hard for him to justify having the affair. Just keep plan A’ing. I’m glad to hear that you have told people around you and are getting support.

I would still encourage you to send a brief email/letter to the OW as suggested before.

<small>[ June 02, 2003, 11:38 PM: Message edited by: zorweb ]</small>