I feel like I just want to cry all day today. I can't stop picturing H with this OW!! I know he hasn't seen her in over a year, and I know he doesn't even know her last name, but that doesn't make it any easier!! He had sex with another woman, and I don't know how I'll ever get past it!!

I want our marriage to work, but I'm really scared to trust him again. This morning, I called his cell phone and he didn't answer. This is normal, but he usually calls me back within a few minutes. This time he didn't. He finally called me about an hour later and said he was in a meeting. My mind knows he's telling the truth but my heart wonders. How do I ever trust him again. I don't want to stay with him for another 10 years just to have another bombshell dropped on me someday!!

It doesn't help that I just got laid off from my job, either. I have nothing to do but sit and think about him with her!! I'm about ready to scream! When I sleep, I have nightmares. When I'm awake, I feel dead inside.

I'm just so sad!! I want to just curl up and disappear sometimes!!

I saw your post and had to read. You know there are alot of days I feel the same way. Our stories (even though I dont know yours or u mine) are differant as to the OW. I wish there was some magic thing I could say to ease your feelings and make everything right for you again. There are nights I wake up tears streaming down my face and patting bed beside me to be sure he is there. So you see we are much alike. All I can really tell you is what I try to do and hope it helps. I often get up and write in either a journal or sometimes I write a letter. In those letters I really let either him or her have it. I pour out all the things inside of me I dont trust with anyone else and not sure if I ever will again. See in my case my bestfriend helped herself to my life. Yes H participated but to be betrayed by the 2 people you trust more than life itself is like a death to me. So in those letters I pour it all out, or I come here and read and sometimes post, (H doesnt know about this site, not ready to share with him)Then I destroy the letters. It sometimes brings me a release that I cant explain and I can even get in a few hrs to sleep before time to work and rush the kiddies. I am so sorry your at tis place, have you been to your doctor and tried any meds? They help some. But there will be days you feel lost , but hopefully with work, reassurace and a lot of love those days will gradually fade into the back ground. Ill be thinking of you ,and add you to my prayers. God Bless.

Wow.....my heart goes out to you two and everyone else who has been betrayed including myself. Im in a different boat than you two, because my marriage ended. I dont have to wonder about additional infidelity. I think it would be horrible (at least for me) to go through not trusting and reliving memories of an affair. It would SUCK! Once trust has been broken....its a real dog to regain. Wondering why your mate is late from work, the store, why the have to work OT, what are they doing when they are out of town, who is on the other end of their phone calls.....man that would SUCK!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi ambition,

I was hoping that someone who could help you more than I can would have seen your post, but I guess you're stuck with me instead <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I didn't do nearly as well as others did while going through what you are going through now but I can tell you what helped me a little.

First, I would start preparing something for lunch or dinner that included cutting onions, sometimes lots and lots of onions that I put away for future use (it's a good reason for the tears and a good cover too).

After the onion tears were done, I took a shower. Turning off the shower meant it was time to end that round of tears and get back into life. Reading the info pages of this site gave me direction of how to do that.

I know this is a terribly hard time ambition, but it does get better. I wish I could be more helpful to you.

Take care ambition

whew! While I was posting, others were too. People here will help you ambition, people who had and are having more success with this issue than I did.

Take care

Me and mine work together.HA! Dont oyu know its been fun? Things are better, get better everyday in most aspects, see thru the whole thing Ive thoguht of nothing but the man I have known for 20 years. Yes I know alot say that man is gone, dead. But I see a glimpse of him more and more each day. He is the man I love, the man I have dealt with in the past yr is not even someone I like much so IM trying o deal with all that. But the phone deal, leaving hte house, ect...its tough..all the lies, how can these people sleep at night? I know Ive had a heck of a time. Thanks

That is how I feel. Like the person I've been living with for the past year was a complete stranger!! After his affair over a year ago, he became a real drunk!! Drunk every day and every night. I spent the past year wondering what I'd done, when all along it was because he couldn't handle the guilt!!

But since he told me 3 weeks ago about the A, I've started to see the man I married. I want to believe he's back for good, but what if he's not?? I'm sure that a year before his A, he would have said he'd never cheat on me!! Didn't stop him from doing it though, did it?? So why should I believe him now when he says he never wants to hurt me again?? He may feel that way now, but what about a year from now?? 10 years from now?? If someone else shows interest in him, will he hop into bed with her, too??

God, I'm gonna be sick. I can barely keep any food down these days. I wish I had a harder heart. I wish it didn't bother me. Does that sound weird?? But I love him so much, and I know that's why it hurts as bad as it does!!

Ambition,

Your situation is very similar to mine, in that my W's affair ended a year or so ago. Today marks exactly 7 weeks since I first found out, and I still have images in my mind of my W and the OM together. Even though the images are still there, I do find that they're beginning to recede ever so slightly into the background every few days. I haven't been an emotional person most of my life, but I've cried more in the past 7 weeks than I ever have in my life. It hurts worse than anything I've ever experienced. But it is getting better. I've read Dr. Harley's Surviving an Affair, and I'm currently working on Dave Carder's Torn Asunder. Both books have helped tremendously, as has the counsel of a couple of close friends and a local pastor. I too am unemployed, so I have a lot of time to think about it during the day. But I've tried to make sure I get out as often as possible to do something fun, like taking a hike in the woods next door, or playing a computer game, or sitting in the mall enjoying a Godiva hot chocolate, or spending some time at the local Barnes & Noble just browsing. My W and I have been working to correct the things we've both been doing wrong in our marriage, and I can see us getting closer every day. I'm still working on rebuilding trust (I find myself even checking the recent calls log on her cell phone), but I'm making progress. It can happen, but it takes a lot of time and effort.

I wish you the best.

Have you taked to anyone? Do you have anyone left who you can totally break down with and let loose, who can hold you while you let it go? Do you have anyone even if its to just write to that could listen and lendd some support? If not keep posting and Ill check frequently, Wish I could reach over and give you a big hug.But since I cant take this one {{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}.i have went to my pastor at church and talked and talked. we went to a counselor but not since th elast dday. Yes there has been more than one time promising not to see or talk and each time happened again and I found out. Trust is one of those things that you give of yourself so easily but once its broken, its like a piece of you dies and you dont know how to recapture it to grow a secound time. I do beleive it can be done. If I didnt I wouldnt be where I am. Yes I have a lot of trust issues. Yes I worry,cry,snoop,and my personality has changed somewhat. My hope , my dream is to see us a stronger couple than ever, to see hte whole man whom I can look in eye and love,respect,desire and trust. Time will tell. Its a slow process and you need support from all corners of the world it feels like, dont ever deny yourself the chance to let loose of the pain and what ifs. If you hang on to them you will drive yourself crazy. Love is a gift, trust is a gift. And as with all things sometimes people just have to work really hard to earn them back.

1DayatATime ~ Our stories are very similar!! My H's affair was 3x between 4/02 - 5/02. My D-day was 5/8/03!! A whole year of never suspecting a thing!! I just thought he had a drinking problem!! I never suspected that he had cheated on me!!

Maybe that's what I'm scared of. That if I was too dumb to see it the first time, then maybe I'll be too dumb to see it if it happens again!!

I do need to get out more, but I literally have no friends. My H was my life!! And now I'm scared to join anything for fear that H will use that time to have another affair! I know that's probably irrational, but it's just how I feel right now!!

YOur not being irrational. YOur hurt,scared and feeling alittle lost. Take a deep breath and regroup.Get out, do something for yourself. I use to have no clothes now my closet is so full of clothes and shoes its scary. I started taking some time to do somethings for me. Highlighted my hair which is something I had let go due to no time off myself. Started going bi monthly to get nails done. I love pretty nails but mine are so thin and ugly I have to pay for some pretyy ones..HAHA>>.I cut back on my work. i am self employed and then employed by another company so I do 2 jobs daily. I cut it all down. Had to ..Couldnt think straight, Started back to church and drew alot of strength from prayer and alot of quite time. Ive had some medical problems I have put off for way to long and Im still not dealing with them as well as I should but Im getting there. But you know what has helped me the most? Helping some other people. Since this has happened to me Ive had 3 differant people (couples ) come to me asking me to listen give support ect.... Now not all knew whats going on with me and m ine. But the more I have seen Im not alone, the more I have tried as best as my feeble way to help others the better I feel about myself and my situation. I was told by my minister that one day I would be able talk about it with the onslaught of tears, that one day I would be able to forgive all involved and I would be a stronger person for it. That it was in me to help others like myself , I dont know about all that but it sure sounded nice and got me thru another day. So Im telling you, go take a hot bath,start a journal. Be honest with yourself about all the feelings your having and why, face them, confront them and defeat them. But the one thing you do not do is put yourself down. This is in noway your fault. People have choices and both parties are wrong. Period. i know in my heart Ill be able to walk in a crowd and not scan looking for HER, not running hte other way and not shutting everyone out. But I also know its gonna be along time before I get to a place in my mind and heart of trusting people and I wont ever give of myself so unconditionaly that I leave myself open for those I trust to hurt me.I gues all my rambling is very confusing,and I apoligize for it. But I know the feelings of wantting to disapear and crying until you think there cant be any more left. I wouldnt wish it for anyone.

Ambition,

While your responses to your H's activities may on the surface seem irrational, under the circumstances they really aren't. When trust has been destroyed, it can cause suspicion toward everything that the WS does that might -- however slightly -- present another opportunity for an affair. Then we as the BS start to obsess over these events, and consequently stay in a constant state of depression. I'm still dealing with this myself. I agree with the previous poster -- do not put yourself down. It only magnifies the pain. One of the most liberating things for me was the realization that, while I certainly helped create the situation that led to my W's PA, the PA itself was not my fault. She had a choice, and yet chose to go through with it anyway (if you want to read my story and see what I mean, click here). I strongly encourage you to find a copy of Dr. Harley's Surviving an Affair, and perhaps also Dave Carder's Torn Asunder. I found SAA at a local Barnes & Noble bookstore, and TA came from a local Christian bookstore. They've helped me and countless others tremendously.

And be sure to get out and do something fun for yourself when you can.