I understand. So, don't bombard her and make it annoying, but a sweet, occasional note or thought is appropriate. It all sounds easy. What, in the meantime, does the BS do for emotional fulfillment? Are we expected to live void of emotion, waiting for what "may" happen?

What, in the meantime, does the BS do for emotional fulfillment?
Put them on hold.

Are we expected to live void of emotion,
You will have many emotions. It‘s just that while in Plan A, you put your emotional needs on hold for a while.

This is the reason Plan A lasts for~6 months at most. This is only how long the betrayed can keep it together. After that, they usually starts to lovebust and get fed up with all the waiting.

It’s not easy but you aren’t just “sitting around waiting” as many seem to think. Read all the links in my signature below as well as whatever else you can find on this site.

Learn these marriage builders principles and put them into action in your life. It will benefit you in more ways than you can imagine.

Why is it I feel as though i'm pusueing someone who wants very little to do with me. She has learned to ignore me very well, and has established a whole new circle of support that does not include me. Further, she has the kids three days a week, and when they aren't with her she spends evenings either dating or hanging with friends. I understand the whole Plan A, but I don't understand how my minimal contact with her, and the very few EN's I can meet will make any difference. It would seem as though others are meeting those EN's, and she doesn't need me for that.....Believe me, I am trying and am not willing to give up, but the reality of the situation I think makes the chances of her wanting me ever again very very slim......

I am so tired of waqnting something that seems so hopeless. Where does the BS find the strength to maintain an existance void of any emotional support, and watching someone they love totally neglect them and continually have thier feelings hurt. How can I maintain the support for her, and meet her EN's the few times I speak with her? I feel so empty and lost.... Where can the BS find this strength to continue???

Where? From many places:

1. Personal support group (mc, family, friends, your pet, a neighbor, MB, mb phone counseling, reading, etc.).

2. Time

3. Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.

There is more and you will find it.

L.

BS can find strength through faith... Let's face it, if everything was going our way, why would we need to trust God? It's when we don't have all the answers that we need to trust.

I think you should implement a self-care regime and try to make yourself more attractive to your WS by finding something fun and exciting to add to your life--apart from her--when your kids are gone...

Maybe take up a new sport as a frustration outlet? Then, you won't seem so obsessed while your wife is steadily ignoring you. I can see how much you love your wife, you have poured out your heart here, but I think you could use some love yourself! Might as well start giving yourself what you need until she realizes what a great catch you are because of your big heart.

Doesn't sound to me like she deserves you but you have your mind made up and I commend your dedication.

<small>[ June 07, 2003, 12:41 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

I really allpeciate again everyones words of wisdom. This site is awesome with the support from others who are experiencing or have experienced similar pain. I have learned to put trust in God, although being human, it's hard to be consistent with my trust. I go thru periods where I feel so hopeless, and after almost eight months of this, i'm so ready for it to end, one way or another. Despite the pain, I know I can give her up IF thats the end result. I still see in her eyes and hidden in her words sometimes that she knows this is a huge mistake, but I think she feels she can't go back now- for whatever reason. I do keep myself busy- I play ice hockey on a couple teams, wakeboard in amatuer tournys, coach both my kids sports, and have been attending church since Nov. She has noticed changes in me, and she says she's impressed with how i've dealt with all this, but she remains steadfast with she just can't try anymore. Does this mean I should accept that, or should I continue with faith that she will realize eventually her mistakes as well.This all seems like a never ending losing battle.....

BS-me 39
WS- her 38
M- 11y 2 kids b-9/ g-7
d-day 9/02
NOT GIVING UP- still hurting

Well, no amount of faith can change another person's will if your wife is hellbent on her stance. Not much you can do when someone has their mind made up. But... You can change what needs to change about yourself. You can allow God to work the necessary changes in your attitude. As you rely on Him to guide you every step of the way and do what needs to be done even if you are afraid, I believe the pieces of your life will fall into place.

Hang in there. Just try to handle each moment as it comes and look to Him for strength. The "battle" belongs to the Lord. Your "laboring" is to enter into His rest. You can do this!

What your wife does or doesn't do is not going to be the decision factor of how you will run your life. That is why Dr.Harley talks about having a plan. You can do Plan A as much as she will allow and the rest of the time, take good care of yourself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ((HUG))

Thank you for the encouragement to continue the work i've began on my own life- the only life I can control. I'll continue on the path i've set for myself, and try to remain upbeat and caring for my wife- whether or not she's receptive to it is beyond my control. It is really difficult to maintain at times though. I coach my daughters soccer team, and she is the team mom- a party is planned for end of the season, an she'd sent an e mail to everyone about possible dates for the party. I responded and told her the one day I couldn't make it- I play hockey that one evening and have for the last couple years. She KNOWS this, yet guess what date she picked for the party? When I told her I couldn't make it, she got angry and asked why I couldn't just skip my game that evening- I just told her I play hockey that night, as I let her know in my reply to her e mail, and won't miss the game cause she decided to do this on a night that conflicts. My hockey team counts on me to show- well, this all really angered her- We've made a couple strides forward in the last month, and this shoved us back ten! It has really shown me what i'm dealing with, and there's a strong possibility she'll never respect me or consider much I have to say. I'm still not giving up, but I think it's shed new perspective on the situation. In the end, all happens for a reason, and i'll follow my path the Lord has laid out for me, whether or not she's part of it