My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years now. We never put our finances
together when we married because I had owned a larger home and have a full time
business that I work on a regular basis. He had a home as well, although smaller, and
has not worked for 15 years. He lived off rental of the other rooms in his home and
a few small cabins. Now he has sold everything and has this money in the bank and
is living off the interest it earns and some commodity investments. The way things
are right now, interest is low and the stock market is doing poorly. He makes enough
to buy food, put gas in his vehicle, pay insurance on the car and not much else. He
does not like to help with anything on my home because he has no vested interest
in the house. This is fine. I have had my own maintenance sources for many years
and pay them to do these things. He also does not want to travel with me or the family
because of his limited money. I have paid for many trips and vacations the past 4
years but have recently decided that my children's college funds are more important
and prefer to put the money there. My feelings are that if he does not want to work
to do these things with us, as he perfectly capable and a retired engineer, I should not
pay for these things. I will need the money to send my kids to college and he at that
time would say they are not his children, he has not vested interest, and does not feel
the need to supplement college funds. We have had these discussions and I understand
his feelings on the subject. He felt he had his life down to a science where he could just get
by and enjoy his time off to do other things if he watches his pennies. He does do this and
I think his simple, down-sized lifestyle of little consumerism is admirable. I on the other
hand still have children to raise, I enjoy having a job and the ability to travel and take
the children to educational as well as fun vacations. We are going to Europe this
summer for a month on a shoestring train travel vacation so I can show the children new
countries and cultures as well as teach them the joy of traveling with a backpack and
low frills. My question is this for anyone out there. This man would very much like to put our
finances together and says we are very equal. When my house sells the equity will be 50%
more than his was, I have life insurance that I keep the children as beneficiaries on in
the event something happens to me and I would continue to keep this intact as well as their college funds. This is okay. The part that concerns me is he has no health insurance the
event of a problem. If it should exceed the amount of funds he has left in the bank, I could be put in a position of caring for him full time as we live in a community property state. He hasn't done anything about insurance, has said he is going to many times, but he also has said he was going to go back to work many times and never does, amongst other "I will get to that..." statements. Am I being selfish or smart here. I feel this comes between us so often or at the very least even if I ask him to do something very small, he always says, call so and so, he does that for you. It feels really weird to me.

IMHO

Your pre-marriage assets are yours and then your childrens. They are your first responsibity.

Current expenses, vacation, etc come out of current income. Your husband should get a job. Of course he wants you to put your assets in his name. How willing was he to do this with his assets when they were more viable?

He should get a job for things like his extras, vacations etc.

As for his health insurance. Can’t you put him on your policy at work?

Is he a family member or just a roommate? How does he expect to treat and be treated?

Cake-eating is not healthy.

L.

Thank you for your reply. I am very confused and need some communication with others at this point. We have gone to a wonderful marriage counselor and it has helped some, but only to clarify his and my own feelings, not to settle anything. As for health insurance, I am self-employed and pay my own insurance. I can add him to the policy for a certain amount, he says he can find health insurance for less. But has not done so. I have car insurance and I have added him to that which he does pay because he has found it to be the most reasonable way to go. If it is a reasonable price he pays it, if not he feels he must look further, but as I mentioned there are so many of these, that he just doesn't get around to them. I am trying to come up with a formula of my assets and his whereby we share the equivalent amounts as they rise or fall as I suspect his will if he does not go back to work and protect this, and to keep the overage of my finances for my children. I feel I would do this with my own bank account as well as a current will. Does this sound feasible, or like a lot of work. Or am I catering to someone who needs to show me they care more by getting more involved with this family. I have 2 GREAT! kids 12 and 14+ that I feel would benefit greatly from a dad who would put in the time. As it is, their birth dad is in the picture but living the life of a single guy renting a room in a house, playing golf during the day, working the late shift at a casino. By the time he would pick them up, 1/2 the day is gone and he drops them off early to go to work. The kids have felt abandoned by his lifestyle for the past few years. Now they are feeling abandoned by their stepdad. I don't want my son to become angry as he has this tendency to do this anyway. My daughter seems to go with the flow, but I notice she eats so much now, where as a younger child she does not, and I feel food is her solice. I am trying to spend time with her and include her in my workouts so she can see the enjoyment in them. Anyway, I guess I moved toa new issue and probably habe many. Don't mean to bend anyone's ears, but I needed to talk. Love the feedback and thank you.