It has been a little over a month since D-day. We have been on a roller coaster emotionally since then. My W and I have had many long, deep conversations and she has written me several long emotional letters stating how sorry she is for all she has put me through. She has discontinued internet contact and usuage
except for e:mail to real friends - I have passwords to her accounts and have software on the computer to catch any slips - which their haven't been.

She confessed wanting to call one of her internet/phone sex aquaintences, but that she had allowed the urge to pass. However, I was home alone last night (W is at a dance competition with daughter and her mother) and for some reason decided to e:mail one of my wife's contacts, posing as her.

I kept the communications brief , asking some stealth telling question. The guy asked "how are things going with hubby" I replied "a lot is going on, what day did we last talk so i don't repeat myself" he typed back "it was either tuesday or wednesday, I forget"

Now my wife SWORE to me she had had NO contact, she wanted to but didn't.

THE LIES CONTINUE !! She is on one hand telling me how much she loves me, wants us to be back on track, and wants us to be together forever.

WHy is she doing this ? I told her she could come to me and tell me if she 'slipped' or just needed to reach out for emotional support, yet she lies right to my face about talking to this guy (BTW - he lives over 1000 miles away)

Everything else has been good, even the sex/intimacy. Why is she doing this ?
Has she just tuned into a compulsive liar ? or was living this fantasy world for a few months that she is having trouble turning it off ??

I feel like I'm back at square 1 again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

She willing agreed to see a MC, but all the ones in are area are booked solid until the end of June

Your situation is sad. It says a lot that your wife can look your in the face and continue to lie to you after her affair. Clearly her words do not match her actions. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. She apparently knew there would be no consequences to her affair and you would forgive her. She then continues to lie to you because she knows she can get away with it and there are no consequences even if she gets caught again. Your wife sounds like a cakewoman who wants a stable marriage and loving husband while also continuing contact with her lover. She is not the only one in this marriage that has a choice on how you wish to live your life.
The question is how much are you really willing to accept? I wish you luck.

FRAZZLED,
I have a different opinion than the other poster. Perhaps your W really wants to make it work with you. She may have "slipped" and spoke w/ this OP. She may feel guilty about it and for letting you down. She may have decided she will be able to not do it again. Thus she may feel telling you would serve no purpose than to further hurt you.

I am not saying she is right, but that may be it. I did real well w/ FMM. When he moved in I broke all contact w/ OP. Around Sept (approx 6 months later) someone set up a lunch and the OPwas there. I fell into the old pattern of talking w/ him daily etc.

When it came out FMM forgave me. He asked would I go NC. I did not answer. I finally went NC for my own reasons. Before the NC was really my choice also, but my heart was not in the decision. Now, it is. OP called twice in March because a family member of his died and he needed to talk. FMM was there and upset. I cut off call. The second time he called we talked. I told him we had to go NC and why. I told FMM about this call also.

Since then I have kept my word and have remained NC. Sometimes the decision has to come from within, not to please someone else.

I think it is a positive sign that she will go to MC. Have you let W know about the lie? Is she familiar w/ MB concepts - radical honesty? I wish you luck. Take care. tew

See if you can setup a phone counseling appointment with Jennifer or Steve.

Cerri posts out here also and has been a helpful coach.

I know you are confused and probably so is your W.

Let us know how you are doing.

L.