I might be posting this question on the wrong board. Is it hard to find proof of an EA? Right now I only have questionable behavior, nothing solid. I do have that "gut" feeling something is definately not right. DH was off work for Memorial day week. He was very hateful to me that week. So I'm positive he was missing OW. The small things/evidence adds up. I don't know how to address him without making him mad. Especially since he believes an EA is nothing. (DH thinks the whole EA issue is a bunch of bull.) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thanks!!!!!!

Yes, it can be very hard to separate what has crossed from a true friendship which is supportive to an EA. It really depends on how your H is conducting himself. So often WS are "busted" because of computer use, emails mainly.

While many find snooping to be distasteful, if a spouse is conducting a hidden life, there is usually no other way to discover what is happening unless you do some detective work for yourself.

I'd begin with the computer, the cell phone, ask my land line phone company to give me a detail listing of phone calls to and from my home phone. If you feel that the OW is a co-worker, which is so often the case, you may want to contact someone in his office/workplace who you feel may be willing to be truthful (but move carefully here, it might backfire). If all else fails, you may wish to consider hiring a PI.

If you'll give a little more information as to why you feel your H has entered into an EA, we may be able to come up with some other options you might explore.

Good Luck!

<small>[ June 02, 2003, 10:32 AM: Message edited by: just a wifey 2002 ]</small>

I've been checking his cell phone and he's now deleting the call log. Before he deleted the calls I did see 4 calls to/from ow within a two day period. This being days she was off work. I do not see the cell bill since he takes it straight to work. (Work pays for his cell) He uses a computer at work, so I have no access his computer.

Mostly I've had trival hints/evidence. The fact she ignored me the other day at dh's work. She wouldn't make eye contact with me and talked to my dh like I wasn't even present.

They both are under tremendous stress at work. So this would be their common "bond". He rarely speaks of work issue with me. I just have a feeling something isn't right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

cell phone bill...My H's work also paid for his cell phone...but...I called them up told them that he needed a copy of this months bill for work expenses report as it had been misplaced and asked them to fax it to me...they did! But you would need to be known as a contact person. (Or you can try setting up an internet access account to his cell phone, most of the companies have them now. You will need his cell phone number, SS# and possibly other information to do this.)

btw...if his work is paying for his cell phone bill and he is using it to have an affair, then he is stealing from his company and could lose his job for using company property for personal reason and company time. Big companies are becoming more and more aware of the cost of loss manhours and the cost of lost trained employees because of workplace affairs. You're H and his co-worker could both find themselves unemployed.

You know - there is a spy software that you can email to your H at work and it will automatically install in his work computer - then you can view what he does on his work computer from your home computer. I think it is called remote access - you'd have to do a search for it online, but I know its available and I know it works. Also, there are keystroke recorders that you can put on your home computer - he might email her from home too - my H was running around with a girl at work and I caught him because he emailed her from our home computer. He had a hotmail account that I didn't know about and with the keystroke recorder I got his user name and his password - and in checking his hotmail account, he was FLAT busted. I used a software called "onlinerecorder" that was cheap and really easy to learn.