We (H) told our son today about the A and the separartion. H explained to S that he fell in love with another woman when he was on his (5 weeks) trip to Spain - and because of that he couldn't live with me anymore. H is very much in love with OW and she comes to Denmark to visit him this summer.

He's going to live in his mothers basement from tuesday and until he finds an appartment.

A truely sad day for me and my son - I don't know what to do now except from keep on being a good mom. I feel kinda numb right now...

There is an expression in English that I'm sure does not translate at all: "It's not over 'til the fat lady sings". Your H has given up on your marriage. It is EXTREMELY likely he will have second thoughts at some point. If you have given up, too, and don't have second thoughts at that exact same time, well, then, it's over. If you hold on to hope, and protect yourself from painful contact with him, for two years, then his expected period of second thoughts will have strong possibilities for recovery. That is what Plan B is about. After two years your chances are pretty low.

Thanks John.

I still have hope but n/c can't be established for a while. We promised our son a one week summer holiday together the three of us and we'll stick to that.
I love my husband and I want him back! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

That vacation will be agreat time to Plan A, and show him what your relationship can be...if he doesn't bring the OW along...and he will try to, I'll bet, at least by phone or something, unless they have already had a blow-out.

I'm so sorry for your pain. I've never been in your situation so I won't even try to give advice. I just wanted to send a little comfort your way.

Stillwed

one door closed, the other one opened

one day you'll be thankful to him... at least I want you so...

being mom could be just enough life fulfillment
for the time being
and the time will brings more happiness for you
(unless you choose to be miserable the rest of it - DO NOT!)

While this was painful for both you and your DS to go through, this in no way means that the marriage is completely over.

He's had a five week relationship with this woman, during a "fun" time away from home and responsibilties. He's continued long-distance contact over however many months...this is NOT the same as LIVING together, as paying bills, taking out the trash, etc. It's NOT real life.

Now I'm not saying that your H is going to change his mind...but there is a very good likelyhood that he will. Remember...most affairs end within six months...even if the affair is never discovered. Remember...most marriages do NOT end because of an affair.

Now as to where your marriage is going...that might take a while to discover. IF you do not want a divorce, then do nothing to further that cause. Look over plan A and see what you can do to improve yourself...FOR yourself. Talk to your family doctor and make sure that your general physical wellbeing is up to par, as you will be under a great deal of stress, get anti-d meds if you and your doctor believe it will help.

Put your focus on whatever is still positive in your marriage. It seems that the two of you are willing to be joint parents and to do what is needed for your DS. That is great! It seems that the two of you both feel that you can successful go on a family vacation...try to leave the marriage issues at home...and make the vacation about what your marriage has been and could be again.

Don't give up...until you are ready to do so. His moving out, his telling your son....none of this is a sure sign of what the future holds.

Good Luck!

It sucks having to tell kids these things. All we would say was h didnt love mommy anymore. He moved, was out for 6wks...Decided we were way more than he thought. We are working daily to have the life we all deserve...I wish you well, an dhope nothing but happiness for you either way it goes.

ouch! again i know what you are going through but i believe once his parade is over and they start to have problems, he will wake up to see that he still loves you and there was a comfort level that you both learned and shared! my gut feeling is that he will come back! as hard as this is, try to look ahead positive! don't lose hope! i found that writing in a journal helps me cope! well somewhat! I am glad that you stuck your ground and you are staying in the house! good for you! watch funny movies with your son, do lots of things with your son to keep your mind and his mind off of him! i am sure the insecurity is there for both of you! you two need each other!this will help you both!
good luck and please don't lose hope!
ali

DW
I am so sorry that your H has come to this decision. I know that you are in extreme pain at the moment. The next few weeks will be almost unbearable, but I want to offer you all the hope and comfort I can.

I pray that my suggestions will be of benefit to you in some manner.

Be aware that your approach to the situation might bear changing. To try to hold on to him could serve to drive him away. From tuesday forward take a different aproach. You must on that day become independant.

Don't call him to cry and beg him to come back. Allow him to wonder if you even miss his presence.

When he makes inquiries answer him as if he were an outsider and give him no more information than you would the local baker.

Don't call him to come and make small repairs to things around the house. Have it done and send him the charges without explaination.

Whatever you do don't interfere with the affair, allow it to fail without you. It will, and he will see that you are so much stronger than he is.

Don't allow him to start arguments with you, politely walk away and go about your business.

Never forget that you are the stronger of the two, and you must take advantage of his weakness just as the OW did. She used them to lure him away, but she will learn that he is only just another man. Given time the novelty will wear off and she will recognize his bad breath and soiled underwear. Then she will seek a new fantacy.

He will look around for the security he once knew.

Don't go to him and offer him solace, make him come to you, then set groundrules that both of you must live by. Do not accept hom back until he is in agreement with those rules.

From there you cill be able to rebuild.

Keep posting and venting your hurt and anger here, not to him.

Agape. fudd.

I'm so grateful for the encouragement and support I'm getting here. Thanks a lot <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'll "fight" for my marriage with all that I've got = my love and affection! I feel that I've lost everything except that.
The love I have is mine to give.
I choose to give it to my son and my WS.
Noone or nothing can take that from me.
It IS mine to give - it is me.
I'll be patient.
I will survive
I will forgive
and let my love grow
even stronger.