I'd suggest that you read the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". It helped me learn to deal with the emotional/verbal abuse... I'm not talking about how to "put up with it". What I mean is that it taught me a new point of view, it was all about HIM. When he was being angry and abusive he was really angry and upset with himself and talking it out on me. He does not like himself... I was just the unfortunate person close enough to be the target of transference. And my ex also was a serial adulterer.
I learned how to tell him to STOP IT and walk away, not let it affect me. I also learned to turn his anger and abuse back onto him… what I mean by that is that when he’d walk in after work and start yelling at me about how I was so flawed, and throwing things I’d look at him calmly and say something like.. “Had a pretty bad day did you? Feel bad do you? Why don’t you go take a walk/bike ride/anything physical to calm yourself down?” If he would not take responsibility for calming himself down, then I’d either remove myself by going to another room or leave the house for a while.
I eventually left the marriage because he did not change. But because I changed I became strong enough to know I had to leave. If you change, then perhaps you will be luckier and he will too. If not --- do not stay in a truly abusive relationship.
Additionally I suggest that you read the material on this web site and the Marriage Builder’s books.
Why don’t you share some of the issues and your story here. There are many here who are going through the same things you are. There is a lot of support.
