im not sure where to start..but here goes..my husband of 15 years..(we have lived together for 21 in all)told me he slept(two times) with a girl(she is a young mother of two from our church) 30 years younger then him.after they slept together they kept seeing each other but NOT sleeping together..(??)..she became pregnant but they both said it was not my husbands (was her X-boyfriend)i still dont know who the baby belong too..he says its not his..not sure if he has done the test yet..not sure if i would belive him..i THOUGHT we had a very good marriage..when he told me about the affair i ask him to leave our home that was 71/2 months ago..when i try and talk to him about the affair..he says it was NOT a affair it just happen.and he has no ideal why.that he loves me..and never stopped..we have a 14 year old son..and i started a new job in Dec.(i had to quit my old job..because i was not getting enough hours)i cant seems to get over this.i thinking of the affair all the time..when im at work or around people i feel like im living another life..im seems so happy to the out side world even my family..but im falling apart..and i cant talk to anyone..none of my friends or family know why we are not together...and i can not tell them..and im not sure why...the only person i talk to this about is our 22 year old daughter..and i can only say so much to her..
im hurt...for what i have lost...or should i say for what i thought i had...im mad that he didnt love me enough to stop himself...or love our family enough.....

Welcome to MB, and boy do I feel for you I am so sorry for your pain. I know how you feel my H told me the same thing that he has never stopped loving me he doesn't know why he did what he did, same thing he had sex with her twice. I am like you the picture of that goes through my mind over and over it is so hard. Like you I have told no one not even my children I can't believe you were able to tell your D I wish I could my 21yr old D and I are very close but she would hate her father never forgive him and withhold his grandchildren that he cherrishes if she knew. I love my H and fill I need to protect him even though I feel like he did not protect me while having his A.My H is still at home we never seperated it has been hard it's been six months since he told me and the pain is still so real but coming to this site and reading some books have really helped me I would suggest the same for you. Like you on the outside I look the same (although at first I lost a lot of wieght and everyone asked what was going on that I looked to sad all the time)but now I can put on a good face but inside sometimes I feel dead. You are not alone and that should help you right now just knowing there are people who do understand. I did finally tell a pastor fiend of mine about the A he said he knew something had happened, that was a powerful day for me but he has been unable to do any councling with me and that was why I told him I thought that he might be able to help me heal. I think just speaking the words out loud helped me some I'm not sure.Keep posting everyone here is full of good advice and get the book surviving an affair that has helped me alot.

My wife said the same thing - I always loved you. Then I learned what she meant by that. Let's just say that her definition was different than mine. Nonetheless, we are recovering, and our marriage is MUCH better than ever before (Admittedly, it was not so good before, so that may be easier for us from your perspective.)

I am guessing there are some hidden problems in your marriage that you do not know about. It is only a guess, and I might be wrong. If I am right, reading "Surviving an Affair" by Harley with your H, AND DOING THE INCLUDED QUESTIONNAIRES, will help you find them. If you do that and still come up with "it's not an affair, it just happened", try reading "Torn Asunder, by Carder together. It includes a broader look at some more individual/personal, rather than relational, factors which contribute to affairs. If you STILL come up with nothing, then try "The State of Affairs", by Mulliken.

I'm betting "SAA", especially the questionnaires, will be a revelation for you. To get a head start before the book arrives in the mail, click on the link in my signature line.