I could really use some advice please. Five months after D-Day, WH has finally agreed to see a marriage counselor with me. Prior to this, WH has been in individual counseling since shortly before D-Day but wasn’t willing to see a marriage counselor (he just wanted to work on himself). I don’t want to fool myself into hoping for a miracle cure, but this is very encouraging to me. However, I have read the posts regarding dreamsoften (whose marriage counselor didn’t seem to give her any hope) and have read the article about how therapy can be hazardous to your marital health. This scares me to death; I’m very nervous about getting involved with someone who could lead us down the wrong path. In my area there seem to be quite a few individual therapists who also do some marriage counseling on the side (exactly who the article warns against). I did find one person who has had training in Imago Relationship Therapy. Can anyone give me advice about this type of therapy? Would you consider it “pro-marriage” (as opposed to the horror stories in the article)? I would sincerely appreciate some advice on this. I feel like this could be our last chance!

Here’s a little background if it helps: WH had 6-month A with mutual “good friend.” D-Day 1/2/03. I’ve been doing a pretty good Plan A since then. WH has had limited contact with OW since then, with NC at all for past 6 weeks, but he isn’t fully committed to it yet. He’s still pretty deep in the fog. WH announced last week that he feels we need to get separated so he can have some space “to sort out his issues and get to know himself” (I’m assuming this is fog-speak for wanting to “legitimately” spend time with OW). I’ve been trying to convince WH that separating should be a last resort; we need to do give our relationship our best shot before we go down that slippery slope. (We have two children, and separating would be very traumatic for them.) He does have some ambivalence about it; he waffles back and forth. But mostly his view is that it’s not that big a deal, and whatever happens, happens. To top it all off, WH announced this weekend that he had “made a commitment to the OW, and he owes it to her to give their relationship a chance.” (As if he didn’t make a commitment when he married me!)

I’d appreciate some quick advice. I need to set something up right away, before he changes his mind! Thank you so much.

Me - BS (Female, 45)
WH - 51
2 kids (D-13, S-10)
6 mo. A with wife of a couple we were very friendly with
D-Day - 1/2/03 (her husband found out and revealed it to me)
Limited contact w/ OW since
WH now feels he needs “space” but has finally agreed to MC

BS,

I don't know anything about Imago....but I did a quick search and found this link about it. Here it is. It certainly looks more structured and definitely pro-marriage, but perhaps you can find some others that have been actually involved in the process. Good Luck.

Also, you might want to post this same question over on the GQII board where it gets more traffic.

OK, I had read some posts here about marriage counseling, so thought this might be a good place to try. I will look at your link and re-post at GQII. Thanks.

This is definitely a good place, but post there as well to get more folks who may have tried this.