I just recently found out that my husband of 14 years is having an emotional affair with a coworker. It has been going on for 8 months now and they met at her birthday party last weekend and kissed. He blames it on me for past mistakes with a drug problem I had. He says he can never forgive me for the lying and deceit that went on while I was doing drugs. I tried to tell him I felt these were not the same. He tells me that he hasn't decived or lied to me about this because he came clean and told me. I stress the 8 months that this went on without my knowledge.He has talked to this women about our marriage, my problem and our children. We have 3 ages 13,9,and 4. Who by the way are devistated. He said he needs time to figure out what he wants, but doesn't want me to leave. He set up his own e-mail account so they can sit at night and talk. Last night they talked for 21/2 hours and I'm not supposed to care. Can anybody help me decide what I should do. Should I stick it out or leave?

Well, I recommend you not be hasty in making that decision. There is a process to go through that will maximize your chances of saving your marriage. Click on the lin in my signature line and read all the imbedded links, and order the book "Surviving an Affair". Pay particular attention to the articles and links that discuss Plan A and Plan B.

Eeyore16 its very common for a WS(wayward spouse) to blame the A(affair) on the BS(betrayeed spouse) for some past grievance committed by the BS.

Nobody can tell you what to do, but it is always a wise move not to let our emotions dictate our course of action because doing so, almost always comes to bite us in the behind later on.

Since you've come here to MB(Marriage Builders) it is probably safe to assume that it is to save your M(marriage). And based on that, I will highly recommend that you read the Harley books 'Surviving An Affair', 'Love Busters', and 'His Needs, Her Needs' , Michelle Weiner Davis's books 'Divorce Busting', 'Divorce Remedy' and 'The Sex Starved Marriage', as well as every article on this website. And last but not least, find a marriage counselor whose goal is to save marriages (there are many out there that are not) and start going to counseling even if your H refuses to go with you.

While there is no guarantee that your M will be saved, following the principles in those books I recommended to you, will give you the best shot of achieving it.

Hi E, I'm new here too. I'm sorry you are going through this pain too. I'm having a hard time myself wondering if I should allow different things from my relationship with my H right now. At other times I feel that I could be calmed by all this..if not for a moment, if he would just hold me. It really sucks. I'm not one for offering much advise right now. A matter a fact I'm here hoping to learn from others before I can try to teach myself and offer it to my H. Good luck girl. I'll look forward to talking to yah again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />