I just caught my husband of 15 years for the second time having an affair with the same woman he had worked with. When I caught him before he promised it was over and for 8 months, we I thought had been trying to make things work. Then two weeks ago I got a gut feeling something was wrong so I left work early drove to his and then across the street to a hotel and there they were. NO visuals, just found the room and he came out. I was devastated. Just days before we were talking future things with our children, home and vacations. He has since asked to come back and work it out again and acknowledged he never previously stopped prior. I have since contacted her family, (husband) and he agreed to try to work it with her also. I have contact with him and that seems to help for both. My husband found out we had contact and is very upset. I don't really know the man it is a sense of security to know any suspicsions could be confirmed if possible. I am devastated and some days are good others not so good. I just want to understand. I also feel like I am possibly a door mat. He is trying I can tell very hard actually. Telling me every minute where he is. THe affection is what I need and he uses money as the means of showing it. I haven't ever needed material things. Any words of encouragement or am I really an idiot?

If you're an idiot then there are an awful lot of us here! Nobody here thinks saving marriages is stupid....but this affair must end here and now. If you can, begin counseling with the Harleys. Short of that, begin reading all of the basics. Welcome to the forum, you have come to a good place. Your marriage can recover, but rebuilding the marriage you want will take some effort. Go and buy the book "Surviving an Affair" and begin following the rules for recovery that are outlined there. All by yourself, it looks like you did a great job of helping the affair to end...now build on that and try to prevent infidelity from entering your marriage again. Good LUck.