You told me if I got beaten up over on the EN board I could come here an eat M&Ms. I really need some chocolate. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

((((((((star*fish))))))))))))

I'm not Cerri, but I figured I'd offer you a hug anyway.

H in PA

Thanks sweetie...hugs and chocolate are about my favorite things. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey sweets, what's up? Bad day tilting at windmills over at EN? I always feel a little like Joan of Arc.... fighting a battle that no one's predicted vicory for in a generation.... that and she was supposedly a witch... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All the chocolate is at ALS's thread at GQII, we've been having a pity party the last couple of days.

So.... have an ice cold glass of diet coke... and hey it's the end of the day... let me add a little amaretto to that.... there ya go... comfy?

Oops.... here, found a few cyber M&M's.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (green ones) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> (red ones) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (yellow ones)

So what's up?

C

yum! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> And the Amaretto is great too.

Well....it was quite a thread....so a blow by blow is out of the question....suffice it to say that I think a public forum should have some sensitivity for the triggers that exist within such a diverse group of people. We've talked about this before.

This was posted by MikeC2, it was meant tongue in cheek...satirical and all that. But when a poster said she found it offensive she was ignored. When a new poster tried to defend her...she was shot down for having so few posts and challenging some principles.

by Mike:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> One of my main gripes a few years back was sexual fulfillment. That has been great the last few years, no problems with frequency or anything else. Last week, due to a bunch of scheduling conflicts, my W and I never hooked up. She is very against morning or daytime sex, or sex after around 10:30 pm or so, so if one or both of us is for an evening, there is no way. When that stretched to 6 days or so I was reminded of the sexually frustrated reactions I used to have. It can be almost like a visceral hatred, I turned lovebusting, sarcastic, angry, like something was stolen from me. So I raped her and killed her and built a cage with her bones, excitable boy they all said. WZ

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Turns out to be part of a song, which was later posted in toto. I didn't ask for deletion, just some compassion for a few people who might not think it was humor in good taste. I didn't say why because I thought it was enough that if was offensive unneccessarily....and wouldn't have taken much understanding to see why.

I didn't find this funny because it just so happens that my daughter was raped last week. Long before revealing that, I asked for a simple acknowledgement that the passage could offend some....but it wasn't until I completely lost it and exposed this awful truth....which I feel so stupid about....that any thought was given to HOW it might truly bother someone for a reason. Just like threads about vibrators might bother some who are fighting addictions. It's just good manners to give some thought to how the words we blurt out can affect people who are struggling on many different fronts. How hard is it to do something as simple as saying..."wow, didn't think about how it might affect anyone...didn't mean to." That would have been just fine....and I am to blame for taking it to the next level and saying "why" when I know better than to reveal something so personal here. That isn't Mike's fault...it's just circumstance...but it's so easy to be kind.

yum! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> And the Amaretto is great too.

I thought you'd like that. It's a chick drink, I admit... but hey.... I like being a girl. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think a public forum should have some sensitivity for the triggers that exist within such a diverse group of people. We've talked about this before.

Yeah... very true. And sometimes it's hard to know when what you say might offend someone else. I know a lot of little details about different people and so I see where simple little comments, off the cuff, could be hurtful if you weren't on the inside.

This was posted by MikeC2, it was meant tongue in cheek...satirical and all that. But when a poster said she found it offensive she was ignored.

Mmmm.... and Mike's a good guy. That's part of my issue with EN, that there's so much traffic and so much non-MB talk that it's like too many kids in the house on a rainy day. Things get out of hand without warning.

When a new poster tried to defend her...she was shot down for having so few posts and challenging some principles.

Oh, now that I have an issue with. I started here with just about as much MB knowledge that I have today... not necessarily the skills in relaying it, but definitely the knowledge... so how long one has been at the forum has nothing to do with one's level of comprehension. Everyone's words... and I do mean everyone... should be weighed against the concepts and the principles of what Harley has to say on the topic.

That's why for so long I posted links to Q/A's, articles, and Basic Concepts. I rarely post links to other threads except maybe to demonstrate an emotion or an outcome. When it comes to the concepts I go either to my words or to Harley's. That way I'm either responsible for what I say, or I know the source is sound. (well, hopefully I know that about myself too, but I digress.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )


Turns out to be part of a song, which was later posted in toto. I didn't ask for deletion, just some compassion for a few people who might not think it was humor in good taste.

Very true. It is in bad taste. I'm not easily offended, having grown up in and still living in a testosterone dominated household... so it wouldn't have hit me that way.

What I would have harped on is the concept that no matter what your spouse does or does not do, there is no excuse for a love buster. None. You feel bad about no SF.... then you deal with it by being honest and negotiating, but don't try to use frustration as an excuse for bad behavior. It doesn't wash.

I didn't say why because I thought it was enough that if was offensive unneccessarily....and wouldn't have taken much understanding to see why.

Duh!!

I didn't find this funny because it just so happens that my daughter was raped last week.

OMG!!! I am so sorry!!! Oh how awful for her and you and everyone. Anything I can do? Just say the word. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

but it wasn't until I completely lost it and exposed this awful truth....which I feel so stupid about....that any thought was given to HOW it might truly bother someone for a reason.

Ohhhhh..... you don't have to feel stupid. Well, you can if you want... but I don't think you are. I think you asked for respect and when it wasn't given you shared something very personal about how those lyrics could be taken differently. I'm sorry it had to come out that way.... rather than as asking for support. Is that what feels icky?

It's just good manners to give some thought to how the words we blurt out can affect people who are struggling on many different fronts.

Yes, and there are men and women here dealing with anger issues and the ways that they manifest in marriage. Rape happens in marriage and it's not something to joke about.

That isn't Mike's fault...it's just circumstance...but it's so easy to be kind.

No of course it's not. I know Mike and I'm sure he didn't mean it in any way other than to be silly and blow off steam. It's just when things get heated people do things they wouldn't otherwise.

Well, if it helps any, I get beat up every once in a while too. Just this week in fact. Some of it deserved, some of it not, and some of it coming from other stuff not seen here....

Oh my, what a bad hostess I am... can I refresh that drink for you?

Hugs,

C

Yes you may! I've switched to Merlot....can I offer you some? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I know Mike's a good guy...have seen him around alot and know he's knowledgeable about the principles. The matter of the song got all mixed up in his other message about how not having SF can trigger memories of old times when SF was a real problem in his marriage...that's part of the reason I was so confused about how it was so incomprehensible that those song lyrics could also trigger bad memories in another way.

I felt especially unhappy about sufbd...who I find to be an incredibly articulate and interesting poster. She doesn't have many posts but her level of intelligence and ability to express herself is really quite startling. Going head to head with someone who has been here for a long time can be quite difficult if everyone rallies to protect some sort of MB loyalty. Maybe it was simply they all disagreed....but then why mention her number of posts? I admit to not agreeing with all that she said...but I found the level of animosity directed at her to be excessive.

I feel stupid because I essentially played a "trump card" and I had hoped to convince purely on ethics and intellect and not emotion as women often do. I might as well have thrown a hissy fit and cried!!! And when it was acknowledged....it was expressed as "If this happened, I'm sorry....like my timing was far too convenient. I wish it wasn't convenient....I totally wish I didn't have this experience so fresh in my mind....but there is no help for that. Fortunately....aside from some members knowing this already.....there is also a reference on the board that would make it clear that I didn't conveniently invent this to make my point....but nevertheless...I don't feel good about how I revealed it.

And the truth is....that the lyrics did actually feel awful to read when I think of my beautiful girl and how broken up she is. It's just not funny to me right now.

[b ]I've switched to Merlot....can I offer you some? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> [/b]

Mmmmm.... thanks, I think I'll wait til later in the day. I need to take my son to the orthodontist today, probably I should stay sober. LOL


I felt especially unhappy about sufbd...who I find to be an incredibly articulate and interesting poster. She doesn't have many posts but her level of intelligence and ability to express herself is really quite startling.

Hmmmm, interesting. What's her story?

Going head to head with someone who has been here for a long time can be quite difficult if everyone rallies to protect some sort of MB loyalty.

Yeah, very true. I thought it was very cliquey here when I first came. That was at EN. And then I found a few friends and pretty much hung with them. Didn't post on more than one or two threads for close to a year. Even now, I rarely post to someone unless I've been invited. Once in a while I do, generally to newbies who seem really lost or sad.

Maybe it was simply they all disagreed....but then why mention her number of posts? I admit to not agreeing with all that she said...but I found the level of animosity directed at her to be excessive.

I find the level of animosity at EN to be amazing, many days. On no other board is there a statement at the top of the page saying that ALL are welcome to participate, respectfully... or something to that effect. And no other board has three moderators.

I feel stupid because I essentially played a "trump card" and I had hoped to convince purely on ethics and intellect and not emotion as women often do.

Mmmm...yeah. I can see that. Felt like you were using and abusing a personal experience to make a point?

I might as well have thrown a hissy fit and cried!!!

Actually, I don't have a lot of problem with that, as long as you stay respectful. LOL

And when it was acknowledged....it was expressed as "[b]If this happened, I'm sorry....like my timing was far too convenient.[/b]

Ouch. Sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

And the truth is....that the lyrics did actually feel awful to read when I think of my beautiful girl and how broken up she is. It's just not funny to me right now.

No, violence isn't funny. I have hissies about tv shows that depict violence against women.. or anyone for that matter... but the ones that get me are the old reruns of Lucy or the Honeymooners.

So how old is your daughter? Is she doing ok? If you don't want to talk about it that's fine. Or if you want to take it off the boards, send me an email. Have my address?

Alright, save me some of that merlot, and I'll bring some garlic toast to go with it later.

C

Actually, it's the end of the day and I still have a ton to do so I'm bringing tira misu instead.... mmmmmmm red wine, chocolate, a little brandy at the bottom.....

C

I could go for that. The drama seems to have been brought to a close via the moderators. I am still rather confused about what merits moderation.....but I'm okay with that. Now, I am just tired and tiramisu sounds wonderful. I just moved to Houston from Venezuela and tiramisu was a really popular there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Houston from Venezuela? That's quite the move! Have an extra slice... you need to keep your strength up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I think it depends on which moderator gets contacted. Some I never hear from and one or two I get a response when I send an email. S'pose it depends on what they have going on as well. It's a volunteer job, and no doubt quite thankless!!

Glad things are going better!

C