Latest-
She stayed with her friend for five nights, and upon her return, we discussed what she had accomplished. Unfortunately, she has not achieved resolution. She is clearly weighing what she wants to do next. I am having reservations about implementing Plan B at this point, even though that seems to be the logical next step. When we are together, we get along great, and she says that she loves me no matter what. Obviously, my patience with everything is starting to wane. I am beginning to doubt, because of this extended period of debate on her part, if this can ever be totally resolved. Can she ever put him totally out of her mind, even if she wants to? In one of our discussions, she said that she didn't know if she could live with the "what if's" of not knowing what it would have been like to be with him. This obviously destroys me. And I am also beginning to doubt my strength for going through this whole deal. I guess thats why there is a plan B huh?
I had lunch with her closest friend the other day, it just happened that I was working in the same city she works in last week. She is my friend too, although not as close. I discussed the whole matter with her, and she seems kind of dumbfounded by the whole deal too, but even moreso her drawn-out decision.
Today, my wife and I got out on the water together...it was her first time in a canoe, and she loved it....i had been trying to get her to do it forever and today she finally did....and said she really enjoyed it. Which was good. But I KNOW she talks to the OM every day. I need some support. She has scheduled 2 appts with therapists, the first of which is tomorrow. I have scheduled a marriage counseling session, which she has agreed to attend with me. I just don't know what in the HE77 is going on.
I have prepared myself for either eventuality I think.....and i want it to be over, but it's still very hard. Our son returns from his time with his grandparents tomorrow afternoon. Any support or suggestions are appreciated. BTW, coffeeman, I know you said to do Plan B, i am just having a hard time implementing it.

Thank you

-Floored32

Additionally, i have found out a few more details of the OM's marriage. He is now divorced, as of the middle of february (about 8 weeks before the A with my WW began)has two kids 6 and 8 which my WW has never met, and his now ex-wife is still living in his house...but is apparently on notice to seek other accomodations. Would it benefit anyone for me to contact his EX, considering she is still in the same house?

Floored I read your post on hope4us thread, and I understand your fear in implementing Plan B. It is risky, but so is the status quo, besides you've moved out which is a step of the no contact part of Plan B. Keep in mind that for your marriage to be rebuilt it has to go thru two steps. Step 1 is the end of her A and step 2 is marital recovery. Right now you are in step 1 and it's hard as he** on you emotionally but you have to accept the truth that Plan A has failed (she has not ended all contact with the OM despite your non love busting behavior towards her) and that Plan B must follow. As I've said so many times, there can be no marital recovery unless she ends all contact with the OM and commits to follow a marital recovery plan that includes counseling with a pro-marriage professional like Steve Harley or Penny Tupy(Cerri) and strict observance of the four rules for a succesful marriage. Since this has not happened yet, you must go to Plan B as soon as possible. Don't kid yourself that marital recovery is easy, just look at Mortarman, StillTryingToSaveIt and TM94's threads and you'll see how hard it is for them to overcome the resentment that was buried during their WW's affairs but resurfaced after marital recovery. And you know what they all have in common, they waited too long in Plan A before going to Plan B. Please think about this really well.

CoffeeMan-
Maybe i misunderstood what you said, but NEITHER of us has moved out. Thank you for understanding the difficulty i am experiencing is this situation. I hope that the session we have together this week will help BOTH of us to decide if we want to continue with our marriage, and how to proceed. I will look for those threads and check them out, thanks again for your advice. The wierd thing is, we are starting to have ever increasing physical contact which makes me wonder.......is it getting better, or is it just a release for her or a way to feel not so guilty about the situation or is it truly what we always had. Thanks again.

Floored32

Sorry floored for the mix up, it's probably because I'm losing track of who's who. I better go to bed before I mess you more up with my 'advice'.

I discovered something new about the OM.He was divorced in 2/3 but his ex-wife still lives with him.....currently. Would it make sense to call the EX-wife and inform her of the A?

Yes

<small>[ July 16, 2003, 09:22 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>