I am not even sure where to begin this...Well back in March me wife told me that we were having problems, & for whatever reason I was shocked. I thought things were going fine. Well she started not sleeping at home anymore & was staying with friends & everything else. To make a long story short she told me last Sunday that she has been having an affair with this guy. The frustrating part is that we have been in counsuling (sp?) for about a month & a half. Now maybe the counsuling helped her come tot the conclusion to tell me. The problem that I am having is that we were out last night & she told me that the plans that she had for Saturday night (tonight) were not with her friends but with him, & that she is supposed to be going to San Fransico in July with him. As far as I can tell she is nowhere near ending things with this person & I am just getting torn up. I thought after last night that she would reconsider going to the function with this guy but she told me this morning when I talked to her that she is still going. I am not sure what to think of that. I am very frustrated & I have been trying to treat my wife with love & respect, but I think I kinnda lost that this morning when I told her that I do not want her going tonight with that guy. She got mad at me & then I just dropped the subject. I love her very much but I am tired of having my heart crushed. I wanted to work on the maraige & I feel that I have been doing my part, but she appears to be nowhere close to ending the affair. How long do I wait?
I have talked to our counsulor one on one & we have created a time frame for her to come back to counsuling & if she doesn't then I am assuming that the next steps will be taken. I just do not know about anything anymore.......

I am sorry to hear of the problems you are having. I know it’s tough.

Have you read the book ‘Surviving an Affair”? It will help you know where to start… basically with Plan A. The purpose of plan A is to get your wife to negotiate the end of her affair and no contact with the other man (OM).

Do you know who he is?

As for asking her to not go.. it was the right thing to do. Everytime you know she has contact with him you should tell her that it hurts you and ask her not to have contact with him. Search this web site for the articles on “Plan A”. Read the link in my signature block about Plan A and door mats.

Have you considered a counseling session with Steve Harley? I think you could get some of your questions answered through him or one of his staff.

I'm sorry for all that you're having to go through. If it's any consulation, my ex-WS and I had been in counseling for nine months, and I found out that his physical affair had started during the time we were in counseling! He lied to myself and our counselor, when asked if he was having an affair. Yuck!! And to think of all the money we had "invested" in counseling! What a waste. Let us know how you're doing. You are not alone.