I WAS MARRIED 26 YEARS WHEN i FOUND OUT ABOUT MY W AFFAIR. WE HAVE 2 GREAT KIDS, S NOW 19 D 21. WHEN I FOUND OUT, I FREAKED AND OD ON PILLS. i WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AND MY WIFE WAS STILL SEEING HER BOYFRIEND. 3 WKS AFTER I WAS OUT, SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING OUT FOR THE WEEKEND WITH HIM. I BEGGED HER NOT TO BUT SHE DID. WHEN SHE CAME BACK, IT WAS IF NOTHING WAS WRONG.

SHE TOLD ME SEVERAL TIMES IT WAS OVER WITH HIM BUT SHE LIED AND LIED AND LIED.

SHE MOVED IN WITH HIM LAST SUMMER THEN CAME HOME, THEN TO HIM AGAIN AND HOME AGAIN FOR TWO MONTHS THEN SAID SHE WAS GOING BACK TO HIM LAST WEEK.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS. WE LOVED EACH OTHER VERY MUCH. SHE SAYS SHE STILL LOVED ME AS HER BEST FRIEND BUT LOVED HIM ALL THE OTHER WAYS. i HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL 3 TIMES FOR SUICIDE ( THINK I'M DONE WITH THAT). i WOULD STILL LIKE TO TRY AND WORK THIS OUT BUT SHE CAN'T FACE WHAT SHE HAS DONE. I MISS HER VERY MUCH AND HOPE SHE WILL GET THIS OUT OF HER SYSTEM.

IS IT WORTH TRYING TO HOLD ON OR SHOULD I JUST GET DIVORCED AND MOVE ON.

I STILL LOVE HER VERY MUCH.

Steve R,

Do you know what are her complaint about you and have you fix it ?. If you are in this junction, staying put is not an option !. There is 5 ways to go in the cross road, staying put would put you in a mess. IMHVO, I would look into 180 degree (version of plan A) or tough love all together. You take your WW too soon. There is condition for her return and definitly not a red carpet (enablement) and definitly you need to protect yourself. Pain is given misery is optional.

I would also get conseling with MB, when reading and doing it doesn't work, you might need expert advice on your situation.

Good luck and post more detail ... -rh-

when you were in hospital, did they have you talk to anyone?

do you still entertain thoughts of suicide?
do you have a plan for next time>?

I think it is really important that you focus on yourself right now..get help for you and talk to a therapist about how she treats you.

other then saying she goes and comes back you really have not mentioned what is really happening in your life..why does she do this? does she go out to continue to fill en's
or recreational or what? where does she go?
is it with the same person?

there seems to be a pattern with her.
how many children do you have and who takes care of them?
does she bring any money home to help support this lifestyle of hers or is she using your money hers and yours?

if what you make..I would definetly tell her your not going to finance her activities..anymore..

you also need to be good to you..I suppose you have reached your breaking point a few times..and knowing thats not good..did you reach out for help? or did someone find you? how did you try...to commit suicide?

please remember that people care and just because she has destroyed your relationship..don't let her destroy your life..look at you..your strong you will survive..don't give her the satisfaction to push you over the edge again..hanf on and come here before you hurt yourself..not after..
I am glad you came here..
Keep on Keeping on.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ohhh shish..you said you had adult children.

do you have grandchildren yet..? they are worth waiting around for..grin..

as far as your wife goes..why don't you have a garage sale and downsize and move yourself into an apt someplace that you can enjoy without all those memories..

you don't have to divorce..but just separate..
if you own the house sell it now rather then later. she isn't there much any way..

do your kids live out on their own>? they are probably married or not living at home right?

I bet they would be happy to help you..do they support you with your ideas of things you want to do? so if you mentioned it is not good to be together right now..they would help you?

I think it doesn't seem to me like she loves you, I think and I am sorry to say this..it sounds like she is using you to help her live her
lifestyle.

has she talked about divorce again lately?
next time she says something about it..
just look at her and tell her.,,,I have also been thinking about divorce also....but don't tell her your thoughts...lol..just bait her..by saying it..I mean if your not going to get one..but the thought is there your worrying right..but then say it to keep her guessing..make her think..

YEAH well so haven't I...just when she asks what why and stuff say I am not sure..I still have more thinking to do..lol..

I don't know I do know people use people..and it is said..but you need to get a grip..

have you got any male friends? do you belong to the DAV or the american legion..or veterans of foreign war..join one of those or more then one and go to the meetings..and see if they can help with counselling..

also you need to stop thinking about it all the time..you will obsess till you drive yourself crazy.
did they trust you with meds? like anti depressents? because you can make yourself to the point of some scarey things..you perhaps need to take this energy you have right now..and put it to work for you..start painting your place in cheerful colors..if you choose to stay there..or better off move..to a better place..she can always come there if she comes back..only she needs councelling..when my hubby and I finally went..it came out..that he did not want to be with me..but he wanted to keep his friends over me..he bought them with money and drugs..he had some girlfriends...and I did not approve..I was not miss manners any more to entertain all of them..while I sat alone..most of the time..like a waitress..

well I am sure you can slow down yourself and catch yourself before you totally go BOIIIINNNGGGG...because at a certain pace..it can happen...to nice people so slow down ask doc for some prescription the amount needed for a few days if they don't trust you with meds now..but please get better..ok..

oh yeah please don't use capitals..perhaps your cap key is stuck..happend to me a few times..you need to click on it to release it..the one that says cap locks..and it will go back to small stuff..it is usually used for yelling and you have no reason to yell at us..so I know it is a mistake..take care...and sleep..too..get some hobbies of your own..ok..do something that makes you happy..for awhile stop thinking about her..
after all it is a waste of time you cannot make her love you..
if you can read the things here..from message board..and marriage builders, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />