I found out about my wife's affair over 3 months ago. The last 3.5 months have been a series of ups and downs and has started driving me completely crazy. I am one of the lucky ones I guess. I found out about her affair well after the "deep in love" part was over but the emotional part was still well in bloom. I was treated like I couldn't do anything right for 3 years. I was stuck in a damned if I do/damned if I don't mode with her for a very long time while she played high school games with a coworker. She said she wanted to stay with me and work everything out between us from the instant I found out but it is still very hard to get through this. We have been seeing a counselor for over a month and a half which helps us through the processes of guilt/forgiveness but I haven't had anyone else to talk about all of this which makes it hard. I knew from the start to hide it from my family not so much because of what they would think but because she had withdrawn from them for a long time and if she knew that they knew she would NEVER feel comfortable around them. So much for a hello post here but I wanted to let everyone know another man is here that has gone through this. Many of the posts seem to be from women. The feelings are pretty much the same with the exception of questions about a child's paternity (He is mine TG). Thanks for letting me vent even though it probably won't be the first time.

DM,

Welcome to the forum. I am both happy and sad to report that you will find others who are in the same boat. This board can be a great source of information and comfort....hope you benefit from both. It is possible to work through this issue and end up with a better marriage...but the journey is hard. I read a Filipino proverb the other day that said:

If you have a long way to go, go slowly.

Good Luck. Glad you are here.

Well I am just glad that I finally found out and that my wife is seeking help for her personal issues and our marital issues. Every woman in her family has had an affair at the same time (29 depressed about 30) and spouted out the same nonsense (living for today, not giving a time to be home because, "We are not their father.". I knew something was going on from the start but always thought the best of my wife. My brother in law taped my wife's sister's phone conversations and listened to every intimate detail. Glad now that I didn't find out that way because I don't think I could have handled listening to my wife talk like that. Funny how on IVillage they had a list of 30 signs your spouse is cheating. She nailed 26 of them. Feeling like a fool is a tough thing to deal with.

DM,

Just try and remember who the real fool is okay? It's easy to feel like a failure when our spouse cheats on us, but remember that it is her failing and not yours. Is the affair over? How you proceed from here depends on the circumstances you are currently in. Has your wife solidly ended her affair? Commence no contact....I think a no contact letter is a must to begin to build trust. Opening her life to scrutiny would be another. Keep posting and filling in the details. Good luck.