Information is power. What imaginitive ways have you guys found out that your wife/husband was having an affair?

Mine won't admit it. Any advise?

See my post on the other thread you opened. Usually they leave clues to get you pointed in the right direction. All of a sudden they dress up better, go on a shopping spree for new clothes, spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, get home late from work, unaccounted time they claim to be shopping instead, cell phone usage sky rockets with calls at wierd times, with usage while at home late at night. These are just a few clues, but you need to play detective to catch them in the act. When co-workers are involved, this is usually the hardest to prove since the relationship thrives in the office and only after hours do they get into the physical stuff. Usually they gather in the parking lot after hours in either vehicle to say their last good byes for the day or at lunch if they decide to go out. If they take half a day off to go to your local motel, this would be sort of difficult to catch since it can happen at any random time. Unless you know someone in their office environment who would be willing to help you, you could waste a lot of time trying to catch them in the act. The other alternative is a Private Eye but that gets expensive. I would say, try your chances with a recorder in the car and see if you can tape live conversations or via cell phone while she is driving.

Search the trash... I found letters and notes

Put a keystroke tracking software on their computer, try www.iopus.com .. it's amazing what you can findout

put a recorder on your home telephone line

get into their email and chat accounts, get the address and buddy lists. Then communicate with people as though you are your spouse... I was shocked with what I found out this way.

If you spouse chats... create a chat account that they do not know about and join them in a chat room... again quite an eye opener

Search your computer for files ending in .dbx, .pst, .mbx, .snm, .msb ..... they are email files... There are tools that will extract all the email from them.

Check your joint credit reports. .. if they have a secret address it may show up there

Everytime they are home alone... when you come home press redial.. see who you get... I got my ex'h's OW every time.

check phone bills, credit card charges, bank charges, etc.

I hate being lyied to.. can be a real pain in the [censored] when I'm angry and hurt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That should keep you busy

<small>[ June 20, 2003, 02:03 AM: Message edited by: Zorweb ]</small>

I've caught her before, and she's extremely careful. Shes got her defenses up, for sure. She has a very quick mind, very diciplined. Any other advise?

Gosh CaliforniaDude, when you figure that one out, I will personally put in a good word for you to be sainted.

Aggrevating, isn't it? Mine actually said to me, amidst all of his very defencive denials, that no affair could be proven unless someone caught them in the act and got photos. Sounds like a challenge to me. Red flag red flag!!!

Why do you wish to stay with someone who constantly lies, cheats, plays mental games with you and puts your health at risk?

Nobody wants to stay with someone who is lying and cheating on them. In marriage you agreed to the opposite of this.

What good does it do to know all of their tricks?

It helps you to put a stop to it, that is all. And if it does not stop then you have to say goodbye!

WFLOWER… said: “It helps you to put a stop to it, that is all. And if it does not stop then you have to say goodbye!”

Exactly.

When I posted all my ideas above I kept asking myself… and then what will he do with the info. Snooping and info gathering is useful only for a short while… to establish with your spouse that you know what is going on and lying is futile. And then if they will still not admit it or continue their behavior. You have a choice to make… you can not make a spouse quite cheating, lying, sneaking, etc.

What we did, once my husband got it was set up a way of life in which we have to privacy from each other. (An MB concept) we have keystroke monitors on our computers. No ‘private mail’, so private areas in the house, and so forth. That way no one has to snoop on anyone. Its all out in the open. If I felt I had to snoop all the time I would not stay in this marriage. I have much better things to do with my life.

If a person is not careful, snooping can become an obsessive way of life. Not good.

<small>[ June 20, 2003, 09:11 AM: Message edited by: Zorweb ]</small>

Yup, and you know that when they say to you, but "you have no proof", that just made your heart drop RIGHT out of your body. And that it is either the beginning to the end or the BIG CHANGE is about to begin.

And what a life it is to be collecting all of this hurtful information. You are already aware of how they walked all over you in conversation, coldness, neglect. Then, you hear them treating someone from work as though they were their very best friend.

And what do you do?

Get your self-respect in order. Read about fixing the thing that is broken. Be specifac to your spouse as to what is needed. And let them in on coming up with the cure.

Funtional and effective. And it takes time, care and concern for one another. You can get it back. And better than before, if you both will believe it.