Two friends working together on Church Music. the girl 19 beautiful and extremely talented, way beyond her years and the man 33 a accomplished singer and writer. the girl was working with the man in the mans home studio and all of the sudden is calling the girl during the night and they go places together and the man noe gives his wife a note saying it's over that he doesn't want to try.

He has spread rumors about how cold she is and the usual. The parents of the girl listened to all of his stories and invited him on a trip last weekend.

last night i was told that the girl was interested in this man and when i heard the name I knew him and called his wife. the agony, tears prayers were unbarable...she does not know that I know the girl. after i called the girls father and his eyes are open and now we want to know what we should do. So many say nothing, we all ooooo and ahhh and the injustice fables the waywards tell. Please help us...give us direction and let us all stand up and say no "shame on you" don't tell me that she is easy to talk to....you should never know even that much.

it is a shame and brings back my own experience and how i prayed that someone from my husbands work would say something. How can we help the wife and the waywards wake up.

Nova,

There's a book by Shirley Glass called "Not Just Friends". It explains in great detail the boundaries needed keep relationships in their proper places.

It specifically talks about EAs, what they are, how to avoid them, and rebuild stronger marriages.

The Harley books, especially His Needs Her Needs is designed for couples and teaches how to "affair-proof" their marriage.

Blessings, CSue

<small>[ June 20, 2003, 06:53 PM: Message edited by: CSue ]</small>

What can you do? Not turn and look away. Be up front with all and make your values plain. You must be careful as you don't want to push the WS in to believing it's "us against the world and no one understands", but you've got every right to let him know that what he is doing is something you find offensive and needlessly painful to his W and family. If he's unhappy in his marriage...fine, he needs to work on getting his freedom or fixing his marriage, not involve a very young woman into his problems.

Since this has begun in a church setting, it would not be out of line to point out that he's abused God's trust and gift of music. JMHO

Be supportive of his W, but do NOT bad-mouth the WS, even be careful of agreeing, as it's a fact most marriages survive this crap and you don't want her to feel uncomfortable around you because you agreed that her H was an @$$. But do validate her feelings, the rage and the sorrow. She's got every right to be feeling however she is feeling.

Good Luck on walking this fine line!