I have recently found evidence of a possible affair that my mother is having. I have found some more proof to my theory and it has totaly jumbled my world. Right now I feel angry and sad at the same time. I don't exactly know what to do, but I know I want to do something. Recently my mom asked me what I think and what I think my other siblings would think of her if she quote "ran away". I thought that it was pretty odd to say that at the time, but now that I am finding these things, it is making a little more sense. She just didn't want to just come out and say "leave your father for another man," so she said that. About a week ago she was drunk, and I might as well put it out there, shes a recovering alcohoilic, but she was on her cell phone instead of the regular phone and she was trying to talk and I heard her say come and get me now. A little later a guy in a van backed into our drive and I came out of the house and he took off. I asked if she knew him and she said no. I took the phone and asked who she was talking to and she said someone from work. That seemed odd since there is only one guy working there and hes only been there for about a week or two. I redialed the number and let it ring. The answering machine picked up and it was some guy saying you have reached... and he said his number. I asked her again and she tried to play it off, not well, but I figured i wouldn't get a straight answer because she was drunk. I asked the next day and she said she didn't know. I then proceeded to ask her if she would know if i showed her the number and she said sure. Just today I found some letters from someone and they seemed quite provocative. They didn't blatenly talk about sex, but they did strongly hint at it. Lately she has been going out more, usually to the fabric store, and that made me wonder. After finding the whole incident with her cell phone and the number and the letters, I feel compelled to follow her next time to catch her up. I don't know what I should do. I love my dad and right now I feel betrayed by my mom. I feel somewhat that my dad has been lazy with making the relationship interesting, but my mom doesn't seem to talk to him and tell him her problems. I feel like it can't be souly blamed upon my father. I just don't know what I should do. Hopefully someone will give me something that will spark some idea of what to do with this situation. I am the only one who knows besides my girlfriend. I think that I should talk to my other siblings as well. Please give me some insight.

Let your dad know of your evidence that your mom is having an A(affair) because hiding the truth from him will only help to perpetuate her A. If you read Dr Harley's articles on this website you will know that A's are based on lies and deceit, and that exposing them to the light of day puts a heavy strain on them that in many cases it ends up destroying them. Ask yourself that if you were abusing drugs or alcohol, wouldn't your mother inform your father of it? Of course she would, because she loves you. The same can be said about you exposing her A to your dad, and because you may end up saving your mom's life if the OM is feeding her alcoholism.

If you do tell your dad about your mom's A, please also tell him about this website because he needs to know that an A is NOT the end of a marriage, and that there are many others, like him and your mom, that have rebuilt their marriages into much better ones than before the A rocked their world.

harslyconfused,

You did not say how old you are. Sounds like you are at least a teen and you drive. Am I right?

T00MuchCoffeeMan is right….. Give all of the evidence you have... the letters and the phone number and anything else… to your dad.

If you feel like you can, tell your mother your answer to her question. My bet is that the answer is that if she were to run away, especially with another man and hurt your father, it will devastate you. And probably everyone else in the family. It’s important for a person who is having an affair to know the truth of how their actions are affecting everyone around them.

Then back out of this. It is mostly between your mother and your father. Do not follow her.

And do give your mad the address to this web site. We can all help him through this.