It's been almost three weeks, i think, since D-day. From the time of discovery and confrontation with my wife she has always said that the A is over. From reading on the net i'm starting to wonder if she means it or just telling me what i want to here. Never did i say you have to end your A, but in a way i did by throwing her out and saying that our marriage was over. This affair may have lasted for more than 2 years( who really knows). Atleast 10 times a day i think of getting divorced and moving on with my life, but continue to come back to the fact that i love her. I almost wish she would have choosen the other man and wanted the divorce as i didn't deserve this and can do better( well i have a 55% chance to do better according to the statistics here). I'd like to think that this A has run it's course. She is committed to ending all contact with him even if it means losing her job( co-worker) and has allready informed her boss of this. I have downloaded the e-book "infidelity crisis: how to gain forgiveness and respect after and affair" and she is reading it. I've also order "Surviving an Affair" and can't wait to read it. Just want to here any opinions on the matter. Please feel free to ask for more info on my situation, my life is an open book at this point.

<small>[ June 22, 2003, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: FAITHFULnFL ]</small>

faithful,

Unfortunately many of us here know how awful this pain is. Your marriage CAN survive an affair, and statistics show that most of them do. Why do you think your marriage was vulnerable to an affair?

Star*fish, i'm not sure why and she can't tell me why. I think i trusted her to much, maybe because we spent to much of our leisure time apart( correcting that). Possibly i didn't show her enough attention. Poor communication on both sides. But basically she was not strong enough to resist temptation, that's what it boils down to.IMHO

I am sorry for your pain. Two years is a long time to have been able to fool you. At this point the question you must ask yourself is what is best for you? Are you capable of forgiving her?
Do you want to be with someone that was willing to do this to you for two years? Are you both committed to recovery? Why do you think she was willing to risk her marriage for two years with this other man? You say you almost wish she had chosen the other guy. Why do you allow her to make all of the choices? You have choices and options also. Why are you not convinced that the affair is over? What is it that you really want in your life? What would you do if you found her lying to you again?

I understand completely, most of the time I wish he would have just stayed with her because getting over him would be easier than getting over this affair. But then he will do or say something and I will realize how much I love him and would miss him and also of our two girls (ages 8 and 6) the other woman still works at his place of employment.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FAITHFULnFL:
<strong>Star*fish, i'm not sure why and she can't tell me why. I think i trusted her to much, maybe because we spent to much of our leisure time apart( correcting that). Possibly i didn't show her enough attention. Poor communication on both sides. But basically she was not strong enough to resist temptation, that's what it boils down to.IMHO</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">