Husband,

Thank you for the information. So now let me ask some more questions. Are you tired of me yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You commented that your W exchanged emails with OM and that this continued for a few days. What is her explanation for this?

I think Star*fish put it well. What was she feeling and looking for BEFORE and DURING the party that led to this? That might be the cogent question to ask her.

I am glad that you got some anti-D's. Have you read the book Surviving an Affair by Harley? Has your W. If not, I would recommend that you both do. Why? Well, it might help you both see things differently and perhaps open your W up to why she did this. You are right she isn't running like your First W, that is good. But you also don't want to drive her away.

The best way for that to happen is for you both be on the same page with regard to recovery and I think SAA is a good way for you two to do that. You can read it together and discuss things.

I just think that if you do, something will fall into place for her, and for you as well.

God Bless,

JL

As a wife and a woman who had a ONS, I can understand some of what she might be feeling. I can imagine she's horrified by her actions, because you indicated that she wants to stay with you, and she's realized that by her actions she may have lost you. She probably realized that her marriage to you meant more that she could have ever imagined! I'm reading some information now about conscious actions and emotional actions (which are often regretted). Could your wife's actions, the ONS, have been an emotional action? One that in a conscious mind would not have happened? I can tell you love your wife abundantly. I know I am incredibly grateful that my husband is willing to stay by my side and work things through. I'm sure you would agree that a mistake such as this, although extremely painful, cannot define the rest of our lives. The most important things are those that happen day after day - waking up in the middle of the night and knowing she's there, coming home to her everyday no matter where you've been, raising healthy responsible children, fixing leaky toilets, etc., etc., etc.

Best of luck,
My prayers are with you

husband,

I have to agree with Star*fish.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So the question would be "Why do you think you were vulnerable to an affair?"
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's funny how much different the question sounds just by changing a few words. But I know that asking the question this way really opened a door for us to getting to the bottom of the real problem. Because the problem is not necessarily the ONS, that was just a result of the problem. (And I don't believe the alcohol was the problem either, maybe a catalyst or an aid, but not the problem)

Good Luck,

r0uter

Hi husband,
It sounds like the road to recovery will be easy for you with your level of commitment to make it work. Your wife is very fortunate. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Keep posting! Is she open to the Basic Concepts here? Is she owning her responsibility to reassure you in every way that you need?

This will be my last post here thanks so much for all your well wishes and advise. Best of luck to you all

Husband aka (Bryan)

This will be my last post here
Any reason in particular you're leaving?