im not sure where to start..but here goes..my husband of 15 years..(we have lived together for 21 in all)told me he slept(two times) with a girl(she is a young mother of two from our church) 30 years younger then him.after they slept together they kept seeing each other but NOT sleeping together..(??)..she became pregnant but they both said it was not my husbands (was her X-boyfriend)i still dont know who the baby belong too..he says its not his..not sure if he has done the test yet..not sure if i would belive him..i THOUGHT we had a very good marriage..when he told me about the affair i ask him to leave our home that was 71/2 months ago..when i try and talk to him about the affair..he says it was NOT a affair it just happen.and he has no ideal why.that he loves me..and never stopped..we have a 14 year old son..and i started a new job in Dec.(i had to quit my old job..because i was not getting enough hours)i cant seems to get over this.i thinking of the affair all the time..when im at work or around people i feel like im living another life..im seems so happy to the out side world even my family..but im falling apart..and i cant talk to anyone..none of my friends or family know why we are not together...and i can not tell them..and im not sure why...the only person i talk to this about is our 22 year old daughter..and i can only say so much to her..
im hurt...for what i have lost...or should i say for what i thought i had...im mad that he didnt love me enough to stop himself...or love our family enough.....

where do i start?

Here is a good place to start... but this forum doesn't get as much 'traffic' as General Questions... so you might re-post this there...

Other than that... READ... READ... READ... Click on "Concepts" under the MarriageBuilders heading @ the top of the page... read the articles... Click on the Q & A section... read... Click on the RAdio section... listen...

If you can, get a hold of a copy of "Surviving An Affair," or other 'affair' book. You'll be amazed @ how many there are...

Post questions. Take a good look @ yourself 'cause the only person you can change is YOU. You can't change what happened... you can only control your reaction to it... so figure out who you are, what you're feeling, how this fits in with 'old' stuff and how to move on. This journey begins as a rollercoaster and has definite 'phases,' much like the stages of grief... disbelief... shock... denial... anger... depression... sadness... acceptance...

If you can, seek out professional help for yourself... based on my experience, I'd forego marriage counseling in the beginning and have BOTH of you do individual counseling first... though, if you can, and your H is willing, phone sessions w/ the Harley's is available (click on Counsel).

Good Luck,
Cali

Thanks, Cali
I just posted on General Questions 11...i guess i just want to talk to some one...this HURTS so bad and its been 8 months and there is not a day goes by taht i dont think of the two of them being together...(he's not seeing her anymore) but do i belive him..??...I not sure if i will ever belive anything he says again...
again thanks....