Ok guys I need all the advices that you can give me on this one. Here's my story. My Wife has just told me that she has been unfaithful to me when she went to the Philippines for a 2 weeks vacation with her family, which is like 2 months ago. Her guilt took over and confess to me that she had a one night stand with this guy she met with her cousin on a club. I couldn't possibly believed that she has done that. I don't see why she did it. What makes this worst is that she cheated on me already before we got married and while we are on a long distance relationship, she had slept with a guy 2 weeks before I moved where she is. That really davasted my trust on her. She blamed it on her being a Bipolar person (deppresion problem) And I tried very hard to forgive on that one and after 2 years we got married.
My wife is not the wild type of girl though. She used to be religious person when I met her but her depression problem made it very difficult for her. She doesn't smoke or drink. She is just the sweetest thing in the world.Basically you wouldn't think that she would have done the things that she has done. And a one night stand that is just wrong thats not her I couldn't possibly believe what she told me.
I feel that marrying her was the biggest mistake I have ever done now. Half of me hates her and half of me loves her right now. I just need help on how to deal with this one. I want to forgive her but I find it very hard to do. I still have some flashback of the first time she cheated on me now this and we're only 5 months married. Help me save our marriage. I feel like I should give her a lesson and do the same thing. Thanks for any help.

Hello teg9 and welcome to MB.
I am not an expert and am still trying to deal with my husbands affair but I do want to say a few things that may help. First of all I am so sorry for your pain and can truly say I know how you feel.

The feelings you are having of hating and loveing at the same time are normal the person you love most in life has just betrayed your trust. Many times when this happens your first reaction is revenge I had the same feeling and I have been married for 26yrs and always been faithful.Let me say do not act on this feeling it will make the situation that much worse and you will be trying to fix two problems instead of one.

The positive thing is your W told you that is a step in the right direction.I would suggest you order the book "Surviving an affair" it talks about all types of affairs even one night stands and why they happen.It will also give you step by step help on healing and recovery in your marriage. You have come to the right place there are many here with more experiance than me and will be able to help you.This is a good place to write out your feelings and vent some of your frustrations so that you do not take them out on her,that only makes the situation you are in worse.If you and your wife are willing you may seek out some marriage councling,my husband refused to go so I am still trying to work through the pain with the help of the things I have read.

Best of luck to you I will check in and see how things are going with you from time to time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am sorry but I disagree. She cheated on you before your marriage. She cheated on you while you were moving in and now she cheats on you only after 5 months in your marriage. She is a serial cheater. You do not have any children so it would be wise to end this before you end up with STD's.
How many times are you going to forgive her cheating on you? Why are you settling for and accepting such disrespect. You made a mistake marrying her so do not let it ruin your life. I wish you luck.

Hi and welcome aboard.
I understand how devastating this is for you. If you love your wife and want your marriage to continue you've come to the right place.
Is she seeing a counselor? She should get some help dealing with her bipolar disorder!

Marriage counseling the two of you together is most certainly needed to in my opinion.
Read all you can here at MarriageBuilders - there might be some good advice for you on how to proceed and heal your marriage.

Take care! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

gingersnap: thanks for your suggestions. She want's us to start going to her old church but I'm kinda not comfortable going to her church because I've tried going there already and find it hard to live the way they do. I know they have some married couples group and would help us deal with our problem too but I just don't want to get pressured of getting converted.

Bryanp: I know what you mean, but is it wrong to say that the only thing thats holding me back from leaving her is because of our marriage? I mean if only I didn't marry her I could have left her the minute she told me about it.

Danish: Yeah shes seeing a phsychiatrist and taking a bunch of meds for it. She told me that she had drink a little alcohol just to mix in with the group which I have told her over and over again that she should not ever drink alcohol without me ever because it would interact with her meds and start acting funny.

Now I'm thinking of asking her about every details of what happen, who the guy is, how many times they have done it,where basically the whole story. I don't know if want to do that because I know it would only add to my suffering knowing every detail and more stuff that would get replayed in my mind once in a while that would not help forgetting it. But it may help me deal with it more. I don't know do you guys think knowing every detail of what happen is better than not knowing the whole picture. The first time she confessed to me she have told me how the whole story of how it happened the first time she did it. She told about the guys plan on tricking her to sleep at his house and that he made the first move and she can't do nothing about and how it hurt at first, I mean the stuff that she told made it harder for me to forget about it and it just gave me a scenario that would be played over and over in the future.
So I don't know if I want to know this one like the first one or should I just leave it that knowing it's only a one night stand and thats it no more detail? sorry if its kinda hard to understand I'm just confused.

" if only I didn't marry her I could have left her the minute she told me about it."

??????? You have only been married for 5 months and have no children. Now that you realize you made a mistake by marrying her it does not mean that you are stuck now and have to stay with her. See a lawyer. Depending on the laws in your area you might be able to get the marriage annulled.

It sounds to me like you love your W and there is nothing wrong with that. It is normal to want to know details I know I wanted to know. I know there are still things he has not told me but what he has it is painful at first but then I can put closure on it and not wonder anymore.

As far as the church issue if you are not comfortable there don't go there the two of you should decide on a place to go together where maybe you can start fresh you know no one knows you and there for will not judge. Just a thought.

Hi, It's been a while sinse I posted a reply but thought I should tell you how I feel about you situation. First this is not he first or second time at having a one night stand. I have to think that you are setting yourself up for a fall. This will happen again anf if for some reason you bring children into this marriage you will end up paying in spades. I know you love her but there can be others that don't come with all these issues. Think very carefuly about your next steps and be smart you are being givin notice by her that there is rough waters ahead.