I just discovered this forum today. I must say, I’m surprised and saddened to see so many people dealing with infidelity. Here’s my story.

My wife and I have been married for 7 years. We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter that we love very much. Until last week, I thought my wife was dedicated to me and our future. Little did I know what I was about to uncover.

Last Tuesday night, we were spending a quiet evening on our deck talking about the usual and pondering our future. We were discussing plans to have another baby. Everything seemed great. For some reason though, my wife was drinking quite heavily. It’s not unusual for us to have a beer or two but she was really pounding them down. After a while, she disappeared into the house. When I went looking for her, she was no where to be found. I opened the front door and saw her glass and pack of cigarettes on the porch but she was not there. I got concerned and stepped out on the porch to see where she was. I noticed what appeared to be two figures on the sidewalk (it was dark) about five houses up the street. As I moved closer to the image, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was my wife embraced in another man’s arms - their mouths looked together in a passionate kiss. I was so dumbfounded that I couldn’t speak. When I finally managed to utter a few words, she turned around and was surprised to see me there. After a few heated moments, the OM ran off to his car and my wife ran back into our house. Much yelling ensued (me at her – she just sat here staring at me). All of the usual – why, when, how long.

That’s been about a week ago and since that time I’ve learned a lot about her and I. She admitted to having a drinking problem (I feel guilty that I never recognized it) and that she was not in love with this guy, only that he was filling some need for physical affection that she felt was lacking in our relationship. I too felt like the spark was gone but never thought it would lead to this. She also admitted that the only time she was with him was when she was very drunk (as she was that night) and that she loves me and wants our marriage to work out.

I want to work things out with her because I love her very much and would do anything for her. I told her that I would stand with her through her alcohol/drug counseling (she made the move to pursue help the day after I caught her) and we are planning to attend MC. I have hope for us but I am also very scared of the future. I feel like the basis of our marriage – trust – is completely gone. I need to trust her and stick with her through her personal struggles but I too am hurting from what she did. She claims she wouldn’t have had an affair if she was sober. I don’t know what to believe. Is it possible that her “fling” was facilitated by her drinking and not a result of some other moral flaw?

I have always believed that people don’t have affairs if they’re happy in their marriage. I’m not the perfect husband but I am willing to do whatever I need to keep her. She is the only woman I’ve ever truly loved. I can’t picture my life without her by my side.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She claims she wouldn’t have had an affair if she was sober. I don’t know what to believe. Is it possible that her “fling” was facilitated by her drinking and not a result of some other moral flaw?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While the alcohol certainly lowered her inhibitions, she knew what she was doing for she had to be sober during the times she contacted the OM for their secret rendevouz.

As far as moral flaw, maybe but a lot of alcoholics tend to suffer from depression as well, a mental flaw.

What the two of you are experiencing is very normal and its part of the recovery process. You and her are going to experience the dreaded emotional rollercoaster, so expect the emotional dips both of you will have on your way to recovery. Your best allies are PATIENCE and FAITH in God.

I suggest that the two of you read every one of Dr Harley's articles and in particular The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage AND The Policy Of Joint Agreement as well as Dr Harley's books 'Surviving An Affair', 'Love Busters' and 'His Needs Her Needs'.

While we are not professionals, we have been where you and your wife are at this moment. Both of you can survive this ordeal, and if the two of you are committed to following and implementing the MB principles, the chances of your marriage surviving and becoming a better one are greatly enhanced.

Wow

Talk about being blatant. She is on a deck with you in your home and walks outside in the street and makes out with the OM passionately when you catch them? Talk about not caring and totally out of control.

Her excuse that she never would have had a sexual affiar if she was sober is ridiculous. She would have to be sober to connect with him and lie and cheat behind your back at times. My friend she deliberately made a choice to enter this affair and betray her committment to you. Her attempt to blame it on the booze is unacceptable. She made a choice to drink. She made a choice to have sex with this OM and continue the affair. She could have stopped anytime she was sober.
I wish you luck but be very guarded. It is disturbing that she could cheat on you so easily and have a major drinking problem without you being aware. The fact that she was willing to call the OM and have him meet her in front of your home while you were with her indicates that she felt it was simply very easy to cheat on you because she must have felt you were totally oblivious to everything. Making out with the OM almost in front of your house while you were at home with her indicates she had no respect for you or your intelligence. I wish you luck but be very protective of yourself and your child.

Time4,

I'm really sorry you have to be here but it can definitely help. I think you really need to dig deeper into whats been going on.
It seems to me that her affair may be the cause of her drinking and not visa,versa. Is it possible that she drinks so she could be with him because when she's drinking she has the courage and desire to be with him. She may want to be drunk because she knows it will lead to him. It also gives her an excuse to tell you, a very poor excuse at that.

Sh