Well all, I was right, we were on the verge and Tuesday he moved back home. I guess I am not in any plan now, huh? I am still trying to avoid LB and he even asked if I was trying "too hard" and said he didn't wnat me to resent him for me being so nice when he was the one who cheated! I am just kinda putting myslef out there. We have spent alot more time together and he is calling home alot (his choices there, not mine) and we have started to go through HNHN together just a bit, we did the Rectl Companion. quiz and unfortunately most of what we scored high on involve $$$ which we do not have at all right now!

I guess we are both scared! I am so afraid to go right back to the old patterns and end up here again, and he said he is afraid of letting me down. He is trying, I see, but I am emotionally exhasuted at this point! Suggestions? I need more stamina or something!! Thanks!

Set your boundaries--what you can live with, what you can't and make it clear what the consequences will be if crossed.

Don't leave yourself open for just whatever happens or whatever lies may crop up. You will only be resentful if you are expected to keep forgiving when/if you failed to set healthy boundaries for yourself.

((HUGS)) Have you guys read Surviving An Affair?

Momma,

Ok, so it sounds as if you two are feeling things out. That is good. I have a suggestion for you two. Why don't you two sit down and write out what the perfect marriage would be for each of you. Do it separately, then get together and discuss how you BOTH can help the other achieve what they want.

If it is money, even start to make a plan about that. Here is where this site excels. There is a plan.

Using radical honesty and the POJA you two can work together and acheive what you want. What has to happen is that you two have to realize you are on the same team. You are here to help each other, not fix each others faults. That is for the person with the fault to do. How do they know something bugs you? Radical honesty, but not YOU SHOULD, but rather "I don't feel respected when you do... Let's talk about this and see if you can help me."

I think if you will address the perfect marriage, then you have something to talk about and discuss for quite awhile. You won't design on over night, or in the next month. The idea is to focus on the future while using the past as a guideline for things that haven't worked in the past.

If you come at it this way, your H will have hope that you will survive this, and you will learn many things you need toknow about him. You will both win and I think you will find that the level of emotional intimacy will increase.

Just some thoughts. I hope they help.

God Bless,

JL

HI Mama, Sounds like you two are taking the first steps.I feel like yesterday was our first step to recovery and boy was it ever emotional it was a rough day and today I have thought alot about the things he told me.I needed to know those things if I am ever going to trust him again but it was hard to hear them.
I too feel so tired by all of this it feels like D-day all over again but if these things would have been addressed earlier like I wanted we would be past it by now.Oh well at least we took the first step.