Bob I'm sorry that you felt you had no choice but to file for divorce, but I do understand.

As far as the OM is concerned, why not ask your attorney what laws the OM may have violated by having an A with your W? If he has, then he can contact the President of the University he works for and proceed with a formal complaint against him. As stated before by myself and others, the OM is a disgrace to academia and deserves to pay for his abominable behavior in helping to destroy a student, her marriage and her family.

<small>[ July 01, 2003, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Coffeeman,

Sorry, not trying to tear this down, as I understand why the site exists. I am not trying to infulence and I understand that many people wat to save their marriages, of which I have no problem. I do though think that it takes 2 to be in love and actions speak louder than words!
I will respectfully refrain from further posts!
Thanks

fff please don't refrain from sharing your opinions and experiences. Folks like Bob and others need to see that they are not the only ones going thru this ordeal and that their feelings are totally normal.

Hi Bob,

I know at this time you think your W does not want to make the M work and does not love you.

At this time, you are emotionally upset. This is not always the best time to be making major decisions regarding divorce.

I read the book Surviving an Affair, I also loaned it out to friends. That book helped me quit a bit.

No matter your decision, divorce or no divorce, it is your decision. You need to make sure it is the right decision with no regrets on your part.

The more I talk with her the more I am seeing that I "AM" making the right decision. The only emotion that I can get out of her is anger and
negetivity. I've tried to talk to her about reconciling on several occasions now and it is quite obvious that she does not have an ounce of love left for me. My LB is and has been so far in the red for so long that I have probably, no, did resent her for a long time. But, I never would have had an A. As I said before, she said some pretty awful things to me in the past and never appologized. "I only sleep with you to keep the peace" is one of the things she said. I laid there next to her that night and cried myself to sleep. S%&t, she never said "I'm sorry". After that it was pretty much downhill from there.
If things do change (I doubt they will)I will let everyone here know. I will still pop in all the time to read the wonderful support postings that I'm recieving. It is really helping with my confidence and self esteem, which isn't exactly at its peak right now.

Regardless of which decision you make regarding your M, you are welcome here. There are those here who are divorced and continue to post and get support through the divorce process.

Divorce can be a very emotional and hard process, so if you want, you can continue to post and get support for that too.

Bob, I understand the pain, been there . It's over and the things that she say's to you might hurt BUT never let it become permanent. I was told that my marriage was dead for eight years and that in between all the affairs and lies "she tried". I have been there. But slowly you become strong and realize that you are a great guy in a very bad situation. It will change. I was told I would lose the house, children,car and everything just find an apartment. Two very long years later I lost nothing and have a very "great life" and now see someone that values every minute with me.
It takes time and patience, never lose sight as to who you are and you know you might find that you were cheated and given a second chance. Try not to do things out of anger or revenge just do what is right. Save another guy from this piece of s__t and make his life hell. But remember that she is out for herself now and you don't count. I know it hurts but remember you were given a second chance for happiness so give yourself time. Hold your head up high and stay strong for yourself and your son.
You must kee posting and asking for feedback you will need this more then you know.
Smile sunlight is just around the corner.

A

Good, bad or indifferent, I divorced my WS as he wouldn't come clean about all that was happening. I couldn't trust him, and the OW was pregnant with his child. I had not found MB at the time to know about Plans A/B. Anyhow, we are now working on reconciliation (post-divorce). My wish for you is that you and your son find peace of mind, whatever it takes.

Update.
We now each have our own attorney. What makes it hard is that I have to live in the same household with someone who hurt me this badly. My attorney says it will take about 6 months. Hell, that's a really long time to spend in this type of situation. I really do need to control my emotions. Especially for my son. Pretty hard to pretend nothing happened in front of him. I can say that as time goes by it gets a little better and a little easier to cope. The support and understanding from this forum has helped tremendously.
Thank you all who replied dearly

Hi Bob,
Just a fast note. You might think that 6 months is long but in truth it goes very fast. So hang in there and work on yourself and your son. Think carefully what you want out of this divorce and have you attorney work on that with you. Do not lose you temper or say anything that will come back to you. Try to be civil for the sake of your son.
I would like to know how your talks with the Univ went in regards to the other man.
It will be over before you realize so be strong and keep giving us updates on your life.
Try to enjoy your weekend.

AA