I'm considering buying snoopware.. I know it would be hard to read some of the things that I think are probably being said by ws, but other then that - what are the other cons? I would like your opinions!

Have you used it? What did you think about it? etc.... Thank you..

2bm

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2boysmom:
<strong>Have you used it? What did you think about it? etc.... Thank you..

2bm</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I suppose there would be some surprised if I didn't chime in here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Yes, I've used some. Look for the web site for SpectorSoft.com It was very easy to install. One of the mistakes I made was paying for it using a joint credit card and my W found out about it after reviewing the credit card statement. Why she happened to look at this statement, I don't know since she normally didn't pay any attention to it as long as I kept paying the bill. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Cons to using it? I feel there are many. Yes, it is reading what your spouse is saying and what is being sent them if they are in involved in another relationship. It is also very difficult to keep quiet about what you've learned. My marriage coach, 'coached' me to keep quiet and encouraged me to just to use the information to guage the status of our relationship. I followed his advice and it was very difficult. It was however interesting to learn about my W's life and to know more about her coming and goings than she ever told me. At least I knew something about her life.

Eventually you have to tell your spouse what you've learned and how you've learned it. I broke the news to my W by telling her that I knew she was lying about other relationships she was involved in and I asked her what she thought the next step in our marriage was and how we might repair our relationship. At this point she said she didn't know what I was talking about. It is difficult to not LB at this point. My W was not even satisfied that I really was telling the truth and not 'guessing' at what she was up to until I showed her some of the e-mails I read.

Other cons besides the emotional baggage, etc.? Well, the software might slow the performance of your computer depending on the computer, the snooping software, etc. A savy computer user might also be able to 'find' the software even though you have it running in stealth mode so you might be discovered before you're ready. Another thing, one can purchase software that can be used to detect spyware on your computer. In other words, two can play at this game.

Good luck 2bm. There are many different kinds of spyware out there so shop around to find something that meets your needs. Not all of it is able to capture incoming messages. The Spectorsoft products worked well for me. It hurts like crazy to have to spy on your spouse but you do need accountability. I would get a second opinion, like from Cerri, before proceeding and how you should handle what you learn and how to tell your H what you are doing and what, if anything, you have learned.

HoFS

I used snooper.com
Hard as heck to get off puter once its on....
I was able to see who said what when...Just make sure your clock is set right....Gets realy confusing if not....
Th econ sometimes reading it it could feel like your being ran over by a truck....Be prepared, I used key words to flag what I realy wanted to read others I didnt bother.Sometimes to much knwledge is not a good thing....

I used a program called SpyBuddy. Cost was $39.
I had major moral dilemmas using it though. I installed the software on her PC in Stealth Mode, and let it collect info for over 2 weeks. I had suspected an affair, but really didn't want to have it confirmed by my snooping on her computer.

Before checking the spy software on her computer I sat down and even questioned her flat out if she was having a relationship with another man... she answers "no". I knew it was a lie and just had to know what was going on.

A few days later I drank a couple of beers to calm my nerves, logged onto her PC, and accessed the Spy Software.All I can say is “GET READY!!!!”. What you end up reading is a raw, unedited version of their relationship which is extremely painful to read. I was crying and felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach, and didn’t even finish reading everything. I also felt guilty as hell for invading her privacy… something I swore I would never do.

To answer you question though, the software is highly effective, logging Instant messages, emails, etc… The software is even capable of sending the log files to your e-mail address at another location. You should use caution using this feature though, as it is possible for a firewall program to detect the outbound transmission and report it to the user. Your partner will immediately become suspicious of this.

Read all installation instructions carefully, and follow the steps to remove any traces of installation. If your partner is very computer literate (on the level of a Network Admin, or technician), then you best not use these programs, as there are ways to detect them, though the average user won’t know how.

Hope this helps
David

Just a warning...IF your spouse is computer savy, if you've got good virus protection on your computer, if your spouse is the system admin or has the ability to be so...it's possible that first the spyware may not download as the computer will see it as a virus...most virus protection has a section where you can have it look for these types of "trojan" programs and keep it from downloading...therefore, check your virus protection program. Second...if it does have this protection and if your computer does "capture" it...it will send a notice to the SA. NEVER...put this on a business computer which is not your own business...that is illegal!!!!

If your spouse is fairly non-computer savy...and you can get it on your system...beware...it's going to be very painful.

Good info on the snoopware. My dilemma is that I am out of the house. Her computer, actually its mine and the kids and her use it, is in the house. No she is not PC savvy, far from. The suspected OM could be. How do I install this on the PC? Are there any services out there where I can have my ISP provide me info? Doubt it, worth asking.
I am a netadmin, but I have not had to deal with snoopware before.

I am a newbie here, about three weeks. If you want to read my sob story, I am/was the WS, now she might be, you can read it at Her TRO is Gone.... . It is whiny in the beginning, but after reading 7 pages of Cerri's post I have attempted to cut that out.

Good luck and God Bless 2boysmom.

TTSMM

Thanks everyone for the imput.. Lots to think about. HoFS- Spector is what I will download if I go through with it. Thanks for the reply <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My WS is not computer savy, but I will need to check into the virus thing Wifey.. I have Norton auto update antivirus.

I don't know.. Laying in bed until 2 a.m. not knowing what in the hell he's doing- I'm ready to put it on now. But then again, I don't have a job yet- so I'm powerless to leave the situation, so do I want to add more pain when there is no way out at this moment? But can what I read be any worse then what my mind conjures up? I'm so confused... I just want some straight answers of what in the hell is going on in that boys mind, and since he's a brick wall- I don't know how else to get the answers.

2bm

Dear 2BoysMom-

I am sorry you are going through this especially with children. I have not been around for awhile (joined over 2 years ago). But your post caught my eye.

Spy software helped me understand my WH's relationship with OW. I NEVER used what I knew against my H. To this day he does not know what I know. I used Spectorsoft and eblaster. I found them highly useful tools in getting information about my H's A. I bought the CD so I could use it on our home computer and his laptop. E-blaster sent anything he typed directly to a discreet e-mail so I could know what he was doing, (he was out of the country).

Be prepared to be hurt and distraught over what you find. I felt I would rather know his intentions rather thatn be in the dark and be a doormat.

I Plan A and Plan B'd my but off for over two years. Filed for D this past April. Now my H says he wants to see me in August and get back together in 1 year (he's still in vet school). However, haveing no contact for over a year has completely drained my LB. So alas, I could not save my M alone. But it was due to the fact I had information from his computer that it helped me make my decisions.

I printed up four copies of everything I found. Two for me, one for my lawyer, one for him, one for his family. His family have their copy and my lawyer and I have the rest. I have stopped reading about his A several months ago.

I suggest you use it for your own information and NEVER use what you know against him. It is a one way mirror into the A. Which I thought was fair since he knew what was going on in the M and A and so did she but I was kept in the dark until Spectorsoft. I suggest you try it but be prepared.

Best of luck to you and your boys.
Sincerely,
Forgiver

Dear 2BoysMom-

I am sorry you are going through this especially with children. I have not been around for awhile (joined over 2 years ago). But your post caught my eye.

Spy software helped me understand my WH's relationship with OW. I NEVER used what I knew against my H. To this day he does not know what I know. I used Spectorsoft and eblaster. I found them highly useful tools in getting information about my H's A. I bought the CD so I could use it on our home computer and his laptop. E-blaster sent anything he typed directly to a discreet e-mail so I could know what he was doing, (he was out of the country).

Be prepared to be hurt and distraught over what you find. I felt I would rather know his intentions rather thatn be in the dark and be a doormat.

I Plan A and Plan B'd my but off for over two years. Filed for D this past April. Now my H says he wants to see me in August and get back together in 1 year (he's still in vet school). However, haveing no contact for over a year has completely drained my LB. So alas, I could not save my M alone. But it was due to the fact I had information from his computer that it helped me make my decisions.

I printed up five copies of everything I found. Two for me, one for my lawyer, one for him, one for his family. His family have their copy and my lawyer and I have the rest. I have stopped reading about his A several months ago.

I suggest you use it for your own information and NEVER use what you know against him. It is a one way mirror into the A. Which I thought was fair since he knew what was going on in the M and A and so did she but I was kept in the dark until Spectorsoft. I suggest you try it but be prepared.

Best of luck to you and your boys.
Sincerely,
Forgiver

<small>[ July 09, 2003, 10:55 AM: Message edited by: Forgiver ]</small>

2BM,

Have you bought any software yet? I was going to. One was $100 and the other was $50 so I have to find a way to hide $50 from H.