OK, I need your help. I have had two afairs my wife knows about both, if only the story was that simple... My wife found out about my second afair first, I told her about it after a copy of a card was given to a co-worker... Yes I gave the OW a card and said something on the card that was so untrue.. I love you... (how stupid could I be?) Anyway, this second afair lasted a few months and consisted of many hours of talk and sex twice. I told my wife all the details she asked for and we left for a long drive Texas to Vegas... we renewed our marrage and life moved on... Until July 1st when her cousin came down to tell her of my first afair... the one with his wife... her friend... I am so ashamed and after this afair was so depressed there were many very low times, In retrospect I think that the first afair led to my looking for someone to accept me without question. Help! how could I get things so screwed up?

You have made some bad decisions, but it sounds like you are willing to try and work on your marriage. You did not say how your W feels about this. Hopefully, she is willing to work on this also.

You might help some of us out by providing some additional details....How long married, kids.. ages etc.

Next, get he book called Surviving an Affair, and also read His needs, Her needs.

Some things to consider: You have shatter the any trust you had with your W, and you made it even worse by not disclosing the first affair while telling her about the second. But don't get discouraged! Both of you can survive this.

You need to make your life an open book for her – read on this site about Honesty, and then start practicing it with her.

Your W will go through a rollercoaster ride of emotions and you need to be there to support her. You should consider marriage counseling for both you. You will need to find out why you felt the need to find happiness outside of your marriage! If you are committed to your W, you need to look to her to find it.

Weekends are slow around her, but you will get some great advice from other shortly.

God, bless.

The first affair, if left unconfessed, frequently leads to a second (and third, etc.). There is a path to recovery that leads to a marriage with a VERY low probablility of either spouse having an affair. You did not take that path after your first affair. To get started (better late than never), click on the link in my signature line.