Hello all this is very hard for me but here goes. I have been married 22 years two kids and I thought a wanderful wife and lover. I work sift work 3-11,11-7,7-3 and that has always been a problem. We started dating in the 10th grade and got married after HS. When we first got married I was very bad about getting into hobbies that did not include her. Then we would have great years then another hobbie. Last hobbie was online gaming and I did get into it way to much. This has been the worse year of my life I am loosing a 24 year Job in 2 weeks. I am trying to start up a new company. My wife has a great job but a friend of her family and my sons best friends father and her have been haveing a affair for the past year. I caught them threw cell phone calls and finally got her to admit what she was doing. I called him he came over and said it was wrong he loved his family and he would stop. She said she did not ever want to leave me and hoped it would end but yet they was saying they loved each other. His part time job put him where my wife works I made him resign from there and he did. She says that it is over and only had sex 5 times just a lot of talking between them. She says the calls are over and I think they are. She is willing to do what ever it takes to fix our marriage we are reading books and talking a lot and she is willing to go to a councler with me. I love her more than life it self and this has broke me down to the point I did not think I could go on. I have not told his W
cause it will hurt so many ppl. But I want to hurt him so bad I can not hardly stand it. The visions I am having are making me go crazy they want stop. I know this was a long post I am sorry for that but I needed to tell someone and get some input from others. I found this all out 5 weeks ago. Thank You.
Heart Broken In the South.

I am sorry for your pain. I am afraid that you are making a big mistake. You should immediately inform the OM's wife. It will make it much more difficult for him to rekindle the affair with your wife.
In addition, you have given him the message that apparently there will be no repercussions to him for sleeping with your wife for the past year. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you have wanted his wife to inform you when she found out? Please reconsider your actions. I wish you luck.

Well I have held telling his wife over his head to stay away and making him resign from a very good job was some payback. I am having much trouble with desiding weather to tell his wife are not.

Geaux,

You need to tell his wife. You must it's the right thing and by not informing her you are demonstrating weakness in confronting a life changing issue. She needs to know and it will offer you closure and alert her to trouble in her own marriage. let the chips fall where they may. a one year affair is very potent, this will bring it to the surface and it also demands honesty between the two of them. Affair get thier strengh from secrecy. This will take the steam out of the affair and put all parties on notice.
You must do it and sooner then later.

A

Tell. For her sake, not to get at him. She deserves to know. As for revenge - he broke no promises to you - your wife did. You need to work through your anger over what SHE did, not what he did.

The link in my signature line will help you with some tools for recovery.

<small>[ July 09, 2003, 12:56 AM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>

Johnh is right on target...you have shifted all the blame for the A outside the marriage. You and your W are avoiding taking responsibility for the A.

Spend more time worrying about your marriage and less about his.

Well thank you for responding to my post. I will consider telling his wife. We are plaining on going to a councler matter of fact it was a councler that pointed me to this wed site. So for this site has made me atleast feel that what a lot of what I am going threw mentaly is normal. But I hurt so bad and feel as if a part of her has died to me. I do not think she really understands how bad this has hurt me. Again thank you.