Before I begin, I would like to say Thank you to everybody that is involved in this site. If I had not found this site, I don't know what kind of shape I would be in right now.

June 5, 2003 at 11:22 AM is when time stopped. I am self-employed and I was at work when I got this phone call. Guess who? The OW. She just wanted to let me know what kind of man I had and what he has been up to for years. And then she continued to tell me how they had been seeing each other and how she had even been in my home. After several questions, she really had been in my house. At this point I was in total shock. But for some reason I believed her. My husband drives a truck & he was at his terminal, so I called him. Of course, he denies everything, doesn't know what I'm talking about. While I'm on the phone talking to him, she calls him. After she talks to him, she calls me back. Guys, to make a long story short, I'm told its my fault. He does finally admit that he had an affair, but he only did it twice. Over a year? Twice?

It's been a month now. We're still together. Trying to work things out. I talk, he listens. If he answers a question, its very briefly, he does not fill in any blanks. He had taken the questionaire for the emotional needs. That was very eye opening. He is trying to be considerate of my needs. But he will not discuss anything about her or the affair. I got copies of all our cell phone records as far back as I could and this has been going on a long time.

It makes me feel like a total fool. I'm finally at the fool stage. I've finally quit crying everytime somebody looked at me. I don't walk around in a fog anymore. But I don't trust him. I've started keeping a log of his whereabouts and phone calls this week. I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but I just can't help myself at this point. I accept the fact that I caused part of the problems. He says that he will never forget all the pain that he has caused me and wants to start over and put everything behind us. (which means he does not want to talk about it) I can't believe the calculated deception that he went thru to see this woman. All of the lies that he told. And the thought that he would come home to me afterwards! I threw up for 4 days that 1st week. Of course he wasn't home, he loaded out and left the state. I know I am making him sould like a really bad person, but truthfully, he's not. He is a really great guy. And I do love him very much. I just don't know how to cope right now.

Can you guys help?

Thanks
Vic1

You did the right thing coming here, there are many who have gone through are going through what you are,Sorry you have to be here.

The betrayal of a a spouse is about the most devestating thing that can happen to a person. You do have my prayers and sympathy.

But, on the other side, he does want to work things out. You have something many would pray to have, myself included.

Pick up Dr. Harley's book surviving a affair, get a GOOD marriage couselor/coach who is PROMARRIAGE, not one who simply asks you each week, So what is going on in your life this week. You need someone who is going to have imput and ideas to help you, not someone who sits and nods their head/falls asleep while you talk. If he refuses to go, go yourself.

There are things that led to the A, that you are responsible for, meaning problems that were in your marriage.

In no way are you responsible for the A itself, it was a concious, selfish, selfcentered situation he put himself in, YOU DID NOT. D9o not blame yourslelf.

If it is affecting you health, see you Doctor, get some anti-depressants, it makes a big differance when you can think rationally instead of emotionally.

I would think the OW was not that secure in her relationship with the H if she resorted to calling you, seems she was trying to get you to leave him, and he wasnt to sure he was going to, she tried to expidite it....

Do not make any rash decisions at this point, think things out clearly and patiently.

Remember, when the other spouse is involved in a A, they have a reason that people call it they were abducted, they do not think clear at all and things they say are nothing but lies, dont believe anything you hear till he is sincere, let his actions speak.

I am not a counselor in the least, just experienced in the pain of a affair.

Good luck to ya, pray often and remember, we are here for you.

rookie-
How do I know if he is sincere? How do I know when I can believe what he says? He has lied for the last year. I know what my heart is telling me. But my heart has lied to me for the last year also.

Vic1

Vic1, I wish I could answer that for you, I cant.

Both of you are going to have to work together.