<BR>My wife continually tells me that she is not messing around, but a gut feeling of mine is that she is. If there is nothing going on how do I get that feeling of jealousy to go away? Ho do start unconditionally trusting her again?

Why do you feel as if your W isn't being faithful or truthful with you? <P>Is she behaving differently than she used to? Could there be any obvious & benign reasons for a change in behaviour if there is one? <P>Why do you feel you can't trust her? Are there any reasons that you can think of for why you might mistrust what she says/does?<P>You have to examine why you feel this way, and if there are any alternate reasons other than infidelity for your feelings of mistrust, before you investigate further or ask any questions.<P>Sometimes the simplest way to regain trust and honesty in a marriage is to sit down with one's partner and have a talk - what's going on with them, are they happy, what do they want, what do they need, where would they like to go with the marriage, where they would like to be in twenty years' time... A good long talk can do a lot to settle feelings and open the relationship to a lot more trust and honesty than ever before. Communication is truly one of the most important things in marriage, and with honest, open, frequent communication will come trust...<P>HTH<P>------------------<BR>~~ Elixir ~~<P>

Welcome <B>jimmmy</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>You say you don't think your wife(W) is being faithful... this may or may not be the case. To explore this with her... attempting to open up communicatons is vital... acting like the best husaband(H) you can be... with "<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>"-like behavior is your best course of action...<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to do some self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B> It can also give you many clues as to whether there is a greater likelihood that an affair is underway!<BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on... <BR><B>This is what affairs do to everyon!</B><P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>Remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>We can give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <B>We</B> do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice base on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>Word of note... weekends are usually slow here... be patient if you don't get replies back quickly...<P>One other comment...<BR>To start on a more open form of communications... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4110_emndsq.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs Questionnaire</A> at this site... and see if your W will "do it" with you...<P>Please do consider getting the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>. Most consider it a godsend!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

jimmmy,<P>All I can say is this:<P>My H can't get over an emotional affair I had over 2 years ago. There is NOTHING going on now - hasn't been in over 2 years, was never anything physical - da nada!<P>So, on the reverse side of your question - How can I get my h to start unconditionally trusting me again when NOTHING is going on?????<P>Trust is a GIFT you give each other....I am willing to trust my H if he ends his affair, yet, he is unwilling to trust me for something that is dead with cold ashes.....<P>It would be nice if you had proof to be suscicious. If none, you might benefit from the gift of trust for each other.....<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>