</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Dazed@Confused:
TOOMuchCoffeeman,

There is a difference between a person who committed adultery and is truly REPENTANT and one that continues to cast blame, hold onto the crutch that there was 'problems, thats why I did it', etc.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I remember correctly, your W had an A, got pregnant by the OM, you divorced, got remarried to her, she again had another A, and yet you are still married to her. I find it very hard to beleive that she could be repentant and then have another affair knowing full well what her first affair cost her (her marriage). And on top of all this you weren't necessarily singing her praises the last couple of times you talked about her on the EN's forum. So who's coddling who?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It seems as though you have moved past that, right? Some NEVER do...they continue to post excuses for their behavior and it is wrong. Very wrong.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Im a BS whose XW had multiple A's, and who'd probably make your W look like Mother Theresa. She was NOT unrepentant, became a neglectful parent, and I divorced her. This May I got remarried to another woman, who used to be married to a multiple A WH.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nonetheless, some really coddle adulterers...when they have NOT demonstrated that they are sorry for their destruction. When you're sorry....your actions PROVE IT...but when every sentence ends with "yeah, sorry...BUT..."....forget it...they are not sorry.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">True there are WS who are not repentant but they seldom come to post to MB anyway. The vast majority of WS that do come here ARE repentant for what they did to their BS. Welcoming them and acknowledging them thru praise when they have done the right thing like telling their BS about the A, is done not to CODDLE them but to encourage them to continue on the right path. NOBODY is going to tell KB96's WW that what she did was justifiable, NOBODY. And for this reason your statement that we are coddling them, to me anyway, is preposterous.

TooMuch,

I completely agree with you. I would NEVER encourage anyone to do what I have done....I have totally coddled an unrepentant person. If it were not for other issues surrounding our only child and my belief in God's will, I would launch her in a heartbeat...

...I now fully recognize what a unrepentant adulterer looks like...and I see some of it on this board...when people make excuses involving their innocent mate, they are NOT sorry...they are simply trying to justify...I am not accusing people who are trying to help of that....I am accusing KB's wife of that...she has NOT come full circle...she is trying to make herself feel better for her gross acts....she is in a selfish mode...

I am commenting on people who try to justify their adulterous actions. It is wrong. Period.

Dazed@Confused

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am accusing KB's wife of that...she has NOT come full circle...she is trying to make herself feel better for her gross acts....she is in a selfish mode...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While noone likes to see an unrepentant spouse hanging around in the throes of an affair---I think you're taking out your frustration on the wrong person here. KB's wife has (apparently) just ended her affair. If you read Harley's work, you'll know that affairs are very much like chemical substance addiction. It takes some time to get over the effects of addiction. There are opportunities for relapses, especially early in the process. And addicts rarely get better because someone is bullying or accusing them about their bad behavior. It often has the opposite effect of driving them back towards that bad behavior.

You really should take a look at this material and work on your delivery. If you don't, you may end up enabling wayward spouse's to continue their affairs (I'm assuming that you're not interested in doing that). If you need to bash someone who's unrepentant, perhaps we can lure olgjmj back to the boards (she was a doozy).