Hi all, sorry to have met all of you this way.... but you all have found a great site. I can honestly admit I don't know where my marriage would be 2day if I had not found MB... Some advice my sound harsh, corny, or just plain unbelievable, but in short, its all 'hard work'
mjr2003, I don't really post much anymore, I'm pretty much just a 'lurker' but you & ur wifes posts have touched my soul..... believe in her... I know it seems that you cant right now, but at least let yourself try to...... She was once the love of your life, your soul mate, your reason for living, and she still is, and still can be forever....
My H and I had a major blowout in Mar 2002 about money. We had been 2gether almost 12 yrs at the time and NEVER once have we fought about money. At the end of this fight he told me 'I've known for months now that I dont want to be married anymore" I was devastated. NOTHING has ever made me suspect this was coming.
For the next 2 months he was distant, cold, coming home late from work, going out for 2 hrs at a time. He was the kind of person, up until this, that never wanted to leave the house, was always happy and content to just be home.
In May of 2003 I knew there was something going on. I snooped in his e-mail, I have NEVER done this before and found e-mails to and from a woman he worked with. 10 yrs his senior, married for almost 20 yrs, 2 teenage children, 1 which worked closely w/my H. My world shattered. I dont think I need to explain.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Anyway, I called him at work and told him he needed to come home. I ?'d him and of course I got denial, until I told him her name, address, phone number, and quoted the emails. He then turned and said 'I'm going back to work, I need to break things off w/the only person that makes me happy,,, Does that make you happy?'
Rollar Coaster ride begins..........
For the next few months my new address was "Hell Highway" The most I got out of him was 'I know it was wrong, and it was pretty much over when you found out, but I really only wanted 1 night w/her.... Then I could have had closure' Which makes me believe it was only an EA not a PA.
He worked w/her for 8 more months, her and I had a phone conversation, her saying 'she was staying away from my H, she did not want to lose her H'
I saw my H go thru terrible withdrawal, panic attacks, bouts of depression. I asked him if he was like this because she broke it off. He said no, she didnt break it off, it was almost ended already, they both decided to not see each other anymore, to rebuild w/their own S's, but it was hard for him to look at her everyday, to wonder 'what if' and look at her and know how deeply he hurt me.
Right around Xmas 2002 was the final breaking point for me. I couldnt stand it anymore. How could I live w/a man that one minute I loved deeply and truly one minute and wanted to spit on the next. I informed him I would be moving out Feb 1st 2003.
Lived in Limbo for weeks waiting for Feb.
Jan 20 2003, He quit his job.... Has started a better one. Got a phone call in May that OW told her H and he wasnt taking it very well and she was worried he would go after my H. My H called him and admitted everything. Her H, God bless his soul was civil w/my H.
I now have a better marriage than the day I made my vows..... We have learned to be open and honest. We have learned what it is like w/o each other and we have learned we dont like it. H showed his remorse, and now shows that he loves me like no other...
Just wanted you all to know that an A Can be a blessing in a terrible, horrible disguise but it can be dealt with. It can be learned from.... It can heal... It can be a way to open our eyes when we just didnt realize they were closed...... God Bless you all,,, my prayers will be w/you, and lastly, a toast, for a happy and fulfilling future w/your spouses....... and for lessons learned
