Did I screw up???

My WH left March 7th because he didn't love me anymore and wasn't attracted to me anymore. He moved in with OW on March 9th.

I have been trying to Plan A as best as I can – but it is a little hard when I only see him occasionally due to our daughter. I think I have done OK up to this point. But how do we know anyway????

Last weekend – I had a garage sale and got the house ready to put on the market. The house is in my name not WH and it is very hard to afford on my own – so I decided to put it on the market. I also sold a exotic pet of ours (we had two exotic snakes – he took the nine foot red tail boa and I kept the eleven foot bermise python). I was offered a lot of money for it and with things as tight as they are I accepted – I knew it was going to a good home. The poor guy who bought it – I cried when we signed the bill of sale and again when he took it. I haven't told WH yet.

Friday - I told that WH that I was going to meet with a realtor on Sunday to put the house on the market. He didn't say a word. I was a little surprised – but I guess he figures he is happy where he is at and doesn't really care too much for what we (his family) does. In that conversation he said that he wanted to come by and see our baby girl – he hasn't seen her in about 3 weeks. He of course didn't. I am not sure if OW is not allowing it or what! He stopped by to pick up stepson from my house at about 7:30pm – saw Skylar for about 15 minutes tops. Wow!

Saturday - He called at 9:30pm on Saturday evening (an hour and a half after her bedtime) to let me know he had just left a birthday party that he took his son -my stepson too. And just wanted to let me know and that he still wanted to come see Skylar on Sunday. I told him that would be fine.

Sunday – I signed with a realtor to sell the house for a real good price! (6:20pm) WH called at about 7pm and made an excuse as to why he hadn't come to see Skylar and why he could come that night. I told him that I was disappointed because I had hoped we could talk – he said about what - I said about things. He said he had a few minutes and was alone – I said OK! Here is where I am not sure if I screwed up or not???? I began the conversation by asking him if he was still sure about his decision to leave and he replied what do you mean? I said that I was wanting to make sure that selling the house wasn't giving him the message that I didn't love him anymore and that I was moving on and trying to forget us and him. That I didn't want him to be mad or think anything other than it was a good financial decision at the time. He said he understood and would not be upset if I sold the house. I began to cry! I told him that I still didn't understand and that I just wanted my family back and the man I love. He said that despite the way he acted that he wasn't a complete A**Hole and that he did know my feelings. We talked for about 30 minutes and he said he was happy but didn't know what the future would hold. (I am not sure if he is trying to keep me hoping or what) We talked about his affair three years earlier (yes this is the second) – I asked him if he felt that because I took him back so easily that I didn't respect myself? He said no that he felt like I didn't respect him anymore – and that he figured I would never love or trust him the way I did before. I told him how could you think I didn't respect you - I thought giving us another chance and standing up for him to everyone was showing the ultimate respect. He said he never knew that I stood up for him to everyone. That it was news to him. I told him that I had defended him to all of our friends, family, co-workers – everyone – That I told them that everyone makes a mistake and everyone deserves a chance to do better. He began to get a little frustrated/upset and said that we could talk more on Wednesday evening when he came to see Skylar – I am assuming he was home and needed to go inside before OW got upset. I said OK and that I hoped he had a good evening!

So – did I totally blow it by crying and telling him how I felt? I am planning on moving to Plan B soon (after the house sells) but am trying to hold on until then in Plan A.

Please let me know. Thank you!

No I don't think you blew it. It sounds like your H was receptive to everything you said. How come you think you blew it? Have you implemented Plan B--is that why?

HI BINthereDUNthat! Thank you for the quik response.

The reason I think I blew it - is that I thought in Plan A - no crying, begging, pleading.... I was definately crying, not begging but maybe pleading a little. He seemed responsive but it could be that he just regained control of me and the situation. Meaning the cake eating idea. I don't know - I am still very emotional. Thanks!

Oh well, the main thing is that he listened to you and he sounded responsive based on what you have said here. For a WS to actually listen and seem receptive to the BS's feelings--to me, that's extremely important and noteworthy.

Hang in there. I cannot imagine how difficult this time is for you. Keep working at filling his ENs and not love busting and he will only have good memories of you when he's with the OW.

Praying for your peace of mind. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're the one who was wronged. Maybe you weren't the perfect wife, but you didn't betray your vows.

<small>[ July 14, 2003, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>